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• Pill-popping kiddie porn freaks need love too: Charlie Sheen has been using MillionaireMatch.com to meet women online. His profile says he's a talent agent, ensuring that he meets only the most desperate young things. [Gatecrasher]
• Britney Spears announces that she's done with Kabbalah; on her website, she writes, "My baby is my religion." As if Sean Preston didn't have enough problems. [Us Weekly]
• New York mag says Tina Brown's name has been dropped as a possible successor to Time managing editor Jim Kelly, but Lloyd Grove hears that New York editor Adam Moss is a more likely choice. Fuck it: we hear Lloyd Grove is in the running. [Lowdown]
• For $56K, you can enjoy a downward dog with Gwyneth Paltrow, which is probably more exciting than just going doggy. [Page Six]
• With young American soldiers dying in Iraq, what better time for Hollywood to start working on movies about the war? The reality of it all makes the drama feel more "real," you know? [R&M]
• Good Morning America producer John Green is back after a month's suspension; he's tan, 15 pounds lighter, and promises never to use the phrase "Jew guilt" ever again. [Page Six]