Tom Cruise returned to ABC on Friday night to celebrate his most favored offspring, M:i:III, and once again displayed his uncanny knack for turning an uncomfortably exuberant display of fake love into an equally uncomfortable joke about his suspicious enthusiasm. In the above clip, Cruise plays last week's BlackBerry stunt for laughs, delighting his mesmerized castmates by whipping out a pantomime e-mail device featuring imaginary pictures of his new daughter. His co-stars nearly double over in laughter at Cruise's antics, proving that Paramount refuses to pay for talent deprogramming until the conclusion of the press tour.
· Cruise on the joys of parenthood: "I change diapers all the time. I have to tell you I love it. We have a whole system worked out. It's the 'B and B' - she does the breast feeding and I do the burping and changing the diapers. It's teamwork. It's fun." It seems that despite the best efforts of Scientology geneticists, Cruise may not be delivered a bodily-function-free offspring for at least another decade, three years into his eventual marriage to Dakota Fanning. [Reuters]
· More British tabloid fun: Cruise allegedly tells the Sunday Times that he used to hitchhike through the Holland Tunnel with hookers. This is probably the least strange tidbit from the actor's past to surface in over a year. [FemaleFirst]