This image was lost some time after publication.

A Very Special morning in Cruise-related news necessitates a morning round-up. Dig in:
· The morning internets are ablaze with the British Sun's straightfaced report that Tom Cruise told GQ that he plans on making a snack of Katie Holmes' placenta after the birth of their baby. ("I thought that would be good. Very nutritious. I'm going to eat the cord and the placenta right there.") How such a statement escaped our Cruise-hungry media flummoxes us (as always, we blame the Brits' superior gossip technology), but no worries—he already dismissed the comment as a joke between staged BlackBerry love notes on last Friday's Primetime.. Of course it was a joke! Do you have any idea how many thetans are in a placenta? That shit goes straight to your ass.
· CruisePollGate! Parade.com found it odd (and so did we, last week) that so many of its readers blamed Cruise's public relations troubles on the media in its online poll, so they did a little research, finding that 14,000 of 18,000 votes cast came from the same 10 computers—a clear indication of tampering. However, if Parade traced the IP addresses, we doubt they'd originate in the Celebrity Centre or one of the Scientology motherships. The Church has long outsourced its online sabotage ops to Bangalore, the only place on earth where the average wage is lower than their own.

· The Scoop reports that Cruise clashed with a reporter from the Swedish newspaper Aftonbladet Söndag (are Swedes the new Germans?) after the writer challenged the claim that Scientology can cure dyslexia. Responded Cruise: "I'm going to, in any case, admit that you have the courage of a madman. This is something no journalist has dared say to me face-to-face..." Cruise then remarked that he liked the "cut of [the reporter's] jib," offered him Paula Wagner's job as his producing partner, and insisted that the he serve as the Hubbardfather to Cruise's unborn child. But then the reporter made the crucial misstep of angering the actor by mentioning his adopted children and failed marriage to Nicole Kidman, sacrificing his producing deal and important role in the Miracle Baby's spiritual growth, all in the name of journalism.
· Pretend Pundit shows what it might look like if Katie Holmes forgets to put the beach ball underneath her blouse.