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In a perfect Scientological world, female birthing vessels would not come equipped with mouths, thus sparing their newborns from any "Mommy is a crazy screaming lady!" first memories that could quite possibly scar a person for life. Of course, there are always creative ways around life's little inconveniences. NY Daily News JV Gossip Lloyd Grove notes today that Tom Cruise may have custom ordered a special "shriek-reducing" pacifier for his adorable heir-dispenser, Katie Holmes:

Tom Cruise may have found a way to keep Katie Holmes from violating the precepts of Scientology and shrieking in pain when she gives birth to their child.

It's a specially crafted adult pacifier, reports Star magazine.

"He commissioned an adult-sized 'binky' for her to clench between her teeth, hoping that it'll squelch her screams," a source tells the mag. "In keeping with a Scientology silent birth, Tom is prepared to do whatever it takes to muffle Katie's moans and groans during the delivery."

Cruise isn't being entirely innovative with his "binky"—a similar item fashioned out of heavy-duty rubber and used to prevent biting one's own tongue off during shock treatment has been in use for quite some time now—though he was the first to cover the device in darling Disney characters and suggest affixing it to the user through the liberal application of duct tape.