"You're not out there!" George Costanza insisted to his mother, Estelle, when she announced she was getting an eye job so she'd look her best after her separation from Frank. "You can't be, because I'm out there. And if I see you out there, there's not enough voltage in this world to electroshock me back into coherence!"

With that in mind, here's yet another reason for you to be depressed you're single:

This image was lost some time after publication.

On the other hand, apparently she's got a doctorate, makes $150K+, and speaks Russian. (Who knew?) And, if memory serves, has a palatial apartment on the East Side. You could do worse, boychik.

Joan Needs Love Too [Not a 12-Year-Old Girl's MySpace]
Related: Joan Rivers Not Above Internet Hookups [Defamer]