This image was lost some time after publication, but you can still view it here.

Life & Style has just detonated a Valentine's Day dirty bomb on Hollywood's doorstep, boldly announcing the imminent end of Hollywood's Most Suspicious Couple on its cover. Of course, we must always keep our bullshit detectors set to "what the fuck?" in the aftermath of such breathless glossy-rag reportage, but the mind nonetheless reels from the possibility of a coming gossip apocalypse. The details according to L&S:

Life & Style has learned exclusively that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have agreed to call off their wedding and, ultimately, to split.

Multiple insiders confirmed the story to Life & Style, with one longtime friend of Tom s saying: Their relationship is basically over. Another friend adds: They both agreed that the marriage wouldn t work and they wanted to end it before they learned to hate each other.

The insiders say that Tom, 43, and Katie, 27, plan to keep up the charade of a romance until after their baby s birth this spring. In the meantime, the couple will live in his Beverly Hills home though sleeping in separate bedrooms through the summer. Then, presumably, they ll announce a separation but Tom plans to buy Katie a home nearby so he can visit his child whenever he wishes.

They ll share custody, says the friend, who claims the couple are drawing up a legal document to provide for Katie s and the baby s financial well-being for life. Tom will set up Katie and the baby, adds the pal.

Aftermath Scenario I (less likely): An immediate denial, worded forcefully enough to buy time for the scores of lawyers who are scrambling to determine what pro-rated portion of Holmes' billion-year personal services contract she's entitled to in a settlement, followed in a few days by a surprising announcement that Cruise and Oscar nominee Charlize Theron are expecting triplets.

Aftermath Scenario II (more likely): A retaliatory four-page spread in Us Weekly featuring the happy couple emerging from their weekly silent-birth class at the Celebrity Centre, with Cruise proudly patting Holmes' bulge with one hand while giving an enthusiastic thumbs-up to the camera with the other.

If you need something to keep you busy until the first publicist statement, The Best Week Ever blog also has the L&S magazine pages on the story.

UPDATE: Cruise's publicist has already issued a denial, in near record time.