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Welcome to the most important morning of the year, when Oscar emerges from his gilded awards-hole, announces who's naughty and nice, leaves some nominations under a nearby tree, and, finally sated from a milk-and-cookies breakfast and scared by his phallic shadow, retreats back into darkness, signalling that we're going to have five more weeks of overheated, hyperobsessive speculation about who will eventually take home some little statues. (It may appear we're a little mixed up, but a day this hallowed requires conflated mythologies.) Without further ado:

As expected, Brokeback Mountain velvet-lassoed eight nominations (including picture, director, actor, supporting actor, supporting actress, and adapted screenplay), officially graduating it from "the gay cowboy" movie to a "melancholy Western about two cowboys who fall in love," and "cowboy love story." Let the mainstreaming of the tender, homosexual ranchers begin! Joining Brokeback in the best picture race are Capote, Crash, Good Night, And Good Luck, and, somewhat surprisingly—but not if you realize that Steven Spielberg can pick up the Gold Phone, whisper something in code, and order up a nomination whenever he likes—Munich.

Overall big winners include Good Night and Good Luck and Crash (you knew it was coming, and there was nothing you could do about it) with six nominations each, and Munich (see above re: the Gold Phone) and Capote with five apiece. And the Fat Clooney/Black-and-White Clooney conjoined twins overcame life-threatening weight gain and Acute Monochromatic Period Piece Disorder to earn three total nominations.

Unfortunately, this is a day for losers as well. Those not getting an ecstatic early-morning phone call from their "people": Walk the Line (no Best Picture nod), King Kong (only technical noms), Russell Crowe (somewhere, a hotel desk clerk is in grave danger), and the excellent A History of Violence's David Cronenberg and Maria Bello. Of course, there are others, but we don't want the negativity tainting our utterly pure and righteous anger over Crash's success.

A partial list of nominees follows after the jump:

BEST MOTION PICTURE OF THE YEAR
 BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
CAPOTE
CRASH
GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK.
MUNICH

ACHIEVEMENT IN DIRECTING
 BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
CAPOTE
CRASH
GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK.
MUNICH

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE
 Philip Seymour Hoffman - CAPOTE
Terrence Howard - HUSTLE & FLOW
Heath Ledger - BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
Joaquin Phoenix - WALK THE LINE
David Strathairn - GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK.

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE
 Judi Dench - MRS. HENDERSON PRESENTS
Felicity Huffman - TRANSAMERICA
Keira Knightley - PRIDE & PREJUDICE
Charlize Theron - NORTH COUNTRY
Reese Witherspoon - WALK THE LINE

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
 George Clooney - SYRIANA
Matt Dillon - CRASH
Paul Giamatti - CINDERELLA MAN
Jake Gyllenhaal - BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
William Hurt - A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
 Amy Adams - JUNEBUG
Catherine Keener - CAPOTE
Frances McDormand - NORTH COUNTRY
Rachel Weisz - THE CONSTANT GARDENER
Michelle Williams - BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
 BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
CAPOTE
THE CONSTANT GARDENER
A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE
MUNICH

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
 CRASH
GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK.
MATCH POINT
THE SQUID AND THE WHALE
SYRIANA