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The official separation of Viacom church and CBS Corp state on Tuesday was celebrated with much bell-ringing, exuberant manifesto-penning, and snack gobbling—at least by the New Viacom employees. While Tom Freston's corporate family is enjoying coffee, ice cream, and free movies, Les Moonves' Kids are finding themselves marginalized citizens of the Paramount lot. Writes an operative:

With the Paramount lot now split between dissociative personality companies Viacom and CBS comes this news: CBS employees working on the lot are no longer welcome at employee screenings unless we pay $40 a year to join the Studio Club. Or unless we claim we're meeting one of our friends from the mailroom inside. Since all of our badges are the same, we're not quite sure how this new rule will be enforced, but we're still busy bracing ourselves for the inevitable announcement that our DVDs will soon not only not be discounted, but we will have to pay a 30% markup to offset the costs of the Krispy Kreme truck that will be parked outside for Viacom employees only every time a Paramount movie fails to net any money at all. Queen Latifah will personally be handing out donuts soon.

To paraphrase either the Bible or The Kid Stays in the Picture (we always get them mixed up), a lot divided against itself cannot stand. There's simmering tension between the employees who once worked alongside each other in harmony, and who now find themselves caught in the middle of a dick-measuring contest between Freston and Moonves. We fear it won't be long before an edict from the New Viacom calls for all CBS Corp employees to be rounded up each Friday morning in front of the Paramount Theater, where they will be pelted with stale Krispy Kremes and $4 Paycheck DVDs as their former corporate siblings laugh maniacally.