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• Page Six claims to have seen a picture of Lindsay Lohan's friend bringing the starlet a pregnancy test while she rests at a Miami hospital. Because hospital pregnancy tests just aren't as reliable as an E.P.T. [Page Six]
• An attempt to patch things up with Katie Holmes' parents doesn't go well for Tom Cruise, and the couple leave the family home earlier than planned. Thetans just don't have the time to deal with that sort of bullshit, y'know? [Scoop]
• Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen filed for divorce yesterday. We'd mock them but, after they initially separated, they actually tried to work things out for their kids. So now it's just kind of sad. Like Platoon. [Page Six]
• Howard Stern's daughter Emily drops out of a Kabbalah play, in which she would appear nude, after concerns that pictures would end up on the internet. Damn you, bloggers. [Lowdown]
• Vincent Pastore is being sued for by his former fianc e, Lisa Regina, who is seeking $5 million after being physically and emotionally abused by "Big Pussy." Lord, if we could sue a pussy for all it's put us through... [Cindy Adams]
• The White House continues to withhold information from full congressional oversight regarding its stance on scallops. [R&M]