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· Former movie star and current monied, vigilante freedom fighter Bruce Willis is offering a million-dollar bounty for the head of Osama bin Laden or his top lieutenants. This selfless act of patriotism should bring no attention to his current acting projects whatsoever.
· We don't like to get into our personal lives too much here, but one longtime hobby of ours had been spelunking in prickly caves of danger. But after reading this dispatch from our beloved ladies of Fug, we're abandoning all danger-cave adventures immediately. Sure, you might make it past the saw blade booby trap at the entrance to Omarosa Cavern, but then you've got to deal with the three-ton boulder bearing down on you, all the bleached skeletons of your predecessors, and the chance that you'll lose your hat and whip.
· We don't know what's got the TV Gasm guys so bent out of shape. That hot dog looks pretty good to us.
· Someone has given the Worth 1000 crew unfettered access to our nightmare tapes from the sleep clinic.
· This Harry Potter countdown clock is not at all creepy because Daniel Radcliffe is a teenage boy and it was set up by a woman.