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• The contestants on this season of Donald Trump's Apprentice have been threatened with "severe consequences" if they violate non-disclosure agreements. Frankly, we can't imagine a consequence more severe than simply appearing on the show, but we're sure Trump and Mark Burnett will cook up something pervy. [Lowdown]
• Jessica Simpson fears that younger sister Ashlee will either party herself into serious trouble, or burn down the house while microwaving popcorn. [Page Six]
• Did People executive editor Peter Castro get passed over for the top job at TV Guide because Rupert Murdoch doesn't like the ethnic flavor? [Gatecrasher]
• Larry David's summer home on Martha's Vineyard becomes an epicenter of yuppie controversy, as contractors destroy protected vegetation to create a giant fire pit, barbeque, and stage area. David, being an environmentalist, blames his lawyer. [Page Six]
• The wise handlers for former President Bill Clinton won't allow the liberal ladykiller to be photographed alone with model Petra Nemcova. Pity, we really wanted to see him offer her some post-tsunami comfort. [R&M]
• Michael Jackson thanks his fans for sticking with him while he drunkenly shared his bed with young boys. [Scoop]