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Hollywood PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are authored by our visually gifted readers; send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put “sighting” or “PrivacyWatch” in the subject line, unless you want us to lose your hard work) and let the world know about your latest brush with Tarantino at Roscoe's or Clooney at Dan Tana's.

In this perhaps biggest episode ever: Katie Holmes; Jake Gyllenhaal, Winona Ryder, Kate Hudson, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, Jeremy Piven, Paul Stanley, Matthew McConaughey, Patrick Swayze, and Mariel Hemingway at U2; George Clooney; Brian Grazer; Steve Carell; Cate Blanchett; Kirsten Dunst; Quentin Tarantino; 50 Cent; Dennis Quaid; Penelope Cruz, Matthew McConaughey, and David Schwimmer; Sherry Lansing, William Friedkin, and Jason Statham; Barbra Streisand, James Brolin, Josh Brolin, and Diane Lane; Jon Voight and Sandra Oh; Sandra Oh, Parker Posey, and Giovanni Ribisi; Andre 3000 and Mark Addy; Mary-Kate Olsen; Tara Reid and Tawny Kitaen; Gary Oldman; Matt Dillon; Kevin Dillon; Christina Aguilera, Alicia Silverstone, Lisa Bonet, and Gina Gershon; Nicole Richie and Mike Tyson; Nicole Richie and Suge Knight; Hilary Duff and Joel Madden; Nicky Hilton; John Krasinski and David Schwimmer; John Krasinski, David Schwimmer, and Joey Slotnick; Dave Foley; Ben Younger and Vanessa Marcil; Jay Mohr; Natasha Henstridge; Danny Masterson; Jerry O'Connell, Rebecca Romijn, and Danny Trejo; Kyle MacLachlan; Tony Danza; Gina Gershon and Karl Lagerfeld; Anthony Anderson; Jennifer Coolidge; Danny Bonaduce; Rider Strong; Aaron Paul; David Charvet.

· Unless Katie Holmes was dressed up as a Scientology war bride or a thetan incubator, she didn't appear to be in costume at a Hollywood Starbucks on Halloween. The internal spawn was barely visible, and, though her baby shall be born unto silence, she ordered a caffeinated drink. She can't talk to her belly or enjoy an epidural, but she can drink caffeine? Then, proving that she is truly depraved, she had the audacity to top her soy pumpkin spice latte with whip cream. Not only is the mock-pumpkin beverage totally plebeian, but the mixing of soy and dairy is plainly tacky, crass even. Doesn't she know that all the real Scientologists drink Americanos? Bitch needs some auditing.

· On the floor at the recent U2 concert and saw Jake Gyllenhaal and friend rocking out. Very super dreamy and there was no sign of his flame Dr. Sagging Tits. He left after the first encore I assume to go VIP.

· Stood right in front of the tech stage (aka: celeb central) at the U2 show on Wed (11/2) and saw Jonathan Rhys-Meyers stuffing his face with food, Matthew McConaughey in all his hot glory and Kate Hudson looking tiny. When Kate started chatting with Matt, I was thinking, how do they know each other? Then I remembered that they where in a movie together way back in the day (How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days) and felt even worse when I remembered that I had actually seen the film. In the theater, no less. Turned around about halfway through the show and saw Kirsten Dunst and then when the lights came up the end, people where climbing over themselves to catch a glance at the one and only Patrick Swayze. When I was at the Metro stop after the show, overheard people talking about seeing Parker Posey and Topher Grace in the seats (losers!!), though I can't confirm those sightings.

· So this band from Ireland played downtown tonight and who is sitting a few rows ahead of me in sec 112, but J Piven with a cute, petite, non-playmate brunette. He was cool to everyone around...guess its hard to have a large ego when the Titanic persona of Bono commands the room. But, the true joy was seeing who was sitting one row better of Ari Gold, one Paul Stanley of KISS, with wife and young son. Sadly he was not in full KISS makeup and apparently did not want to Rock N Roll All Night as he and fam left before the end of the first set.

· At U2—First night. Mariel Hemingway, large head. Winona Ryder bony frail, huge false eyelashes, looked sad and annoyed. Second night: Patrick Swayze and wife on the mix board (which had mainly "normal" looking people standing on it, like friends of the band); Matthew McConaughey, who got a huge shout out from Bono, wearing a knit cap and standing IN THE AUDIENCE sorta dancing with himself, a guy pal NOT BODYGUARD, more like overflow catcher nearby, though not too many ladies were showing any heat towards Stony Bongo Boy, and McC had no interest save mouthing lyrics to the songs.

· I had the pleasure of dining at Dan Tanna's a couple of days ago (I've got two kids any time away is a pleasure) and what to my wondering eyes did appear but George Clooney and a VERY young, attractive dark haired woman. They were dressed casually and Clooney had apparently been showing her around Los Angeles, because as they passed our table on the way to the 'want to go, but cant afford it section' he was telling her about 'the view' she'd enjoy after dinner. I wondered who she is, and what happened to Krista Allen and their cohabitation???

· friday around 5pm - was stuck in traffic on south beverly drive so i stopped at the coffee bean to get a latte and as stumble up to pay the meter i look up and there was brian grazer with a much taller and much younger chick, no, thats not the right word...girl. he was skipping giddily around said girl. that's right i said skipping. he was obviously excited about something. one can only guess. maybe it's because his hair still stands straight up.

· Saw Steve Carell, the 40 year old virgin, with his kids trick-or-treating in Studio City/North Hollywood area – he gave me a big smile and said hello politely. I should have told him he’s supposed to be an aloof celebrity now. In real life, he’s too cute to be a nerd. Or perhaps his recent success has transformed him into a bronzed god.

· Saturday morning I saw Cate Blanchett at Shane's Inspiration (the park in Griffith Park) with her two children. (Just her— no nanny or anyone else.) She looked fantastic — very blond and casually elegant. She seemed to be having a great time with her kids.

· Saw Kirsten Dunst at Runyon Canyon this morning (10/28), giggling and running around like a 14 year old with a female friend. Mostly, I was irritated that she didn't say hello to my dog, who is much cuter than her skinny ass.

· Quentin Tarantino at the Pico version of Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles (name-checked in "Jackie Brown") with a very beautiful young black woman (not Shar Jackson) and her friend. Cooed over by our elderly waitress, seemed to be having a ball. But please, Q: stop with the "Cabin Fever" t shirt EVERYWHERE.

· I have seen 50 cent sans entourage! He got off of a Southwest flight in Burbank. It had just come from Vegas, and a bunch of teenage girls got off first and stood there waiting for *something*, watching the gate. Of course I was curious... Anyway, off came 50 - without a doubt! And completely alone.

· I saw Dennis Quaid and his much younger real estate broker wife at Record Surplus on Pico in West L.A. He looked really great. She is very tall and blond and has no butt. She was helping him sift through old vinyl 45's. At one point, he laughed and when she asked why, he said, "It's that song 'Diary' by Bread." She stared at him blankly. She probably wasn't born yet when that song came out.

· Started the evening off at the Bowery Bar (the new pseudo-NYC bar next door to the Arclight) and who should hover next to my table but the loserest Friend of all, David Schwimmer, in a camouflage baseball cap. He hung out around the bar for a while and then found a table with his girlfriend. Way to be conspicuous in the camo, Ross. THEN, at the Arclight in the lower level lobby on the way to the bathroom, saw a tiny woman who, it struck me, was Penelope Cruz. I turned around and saw that she was chatting with Matthew McConaughey. She makes a convincing girlfriend — just ask Tom.

· I was at the Grove the other night to see Wallace and Gromit and in the midst of a conversation I gestured with my umbrella and almost poked former studio honchette Sherry Lansing in the eye, who happened to be walking past me along with her director husband, Billy Friedkin. I'm told they gave me an irritated look as they proceeded to the vallet parking area. Then last night I was at my neighborhood Trader Joe's (the neighborhood being West Hollywood) and I saw my number one movie star fantasy man - Jason Statham. He's kind of a rough trade version of Tom Ford, isn't he? Anyway I wish I could tell you what he was wearing but in my mind all I could see was him, shirtless and covered in motor oil. I did, however, catch a glimpse at what was in his cart: lots of bottled water, half a dozen eggs, orange juice, tomatoes and curiously, a potted white orchid. Questions swirled in my head. Why is Jason Statham buying an orchid? Is it for himself or is it a gift? Why white? Is this a clue into his sexual preference? I like to think it is.

· For dinner, went to Tia Juanas last night (10/28) on Olympic for the first time and well worth it: sat along the back wall of the restaurant and noticed 2 people sitting at a corner table (right next to mine) both facing the wall. Quickly noticed it was Barbara Streisand and Mr. Streisand (James Brolin); about 5 minutes later, 2 kids ran up to the table, followed by daddy Josh Brolin and wife Diane Lane.

· Thursday (10/27) Urth Caffe in Beverly Hills a tall and fresh-faced looking Jon Voight perusing the pastry selection. Didn't buy anything and he walked out into the night without anybody pestering him. Everytime I see him, I consider pestering him about how fucking hot his daughter is. I mean he has to KNOW, right? Right? Two days later, Saturday morning, saw Sandra Oh eating breakfast at John O'Groats on Pico. She looks better in person than on Grey's Anatomy. More slutty-Sideways-styles in real life. She and unidentified white dude paid the bill, and were on their way. So drama free, it was simultaneously sad and refreshing.

· Hmm… very, very randomly Sandra Oh was at a party in my not-so-nice Koreatown neighborhood on Friday. She seemed very animated and sweet and was making the thirty-two queens surrounding her laugh hysterically. But after the Vaughniston sighting at the Prince, I’m worried about K-town's future. Know what I’m saying? Then, more predictably, saw Parker Posey at Alcove in Los Feliz on Sunday. She looked really bad—acne and bruises all over her legs, but I feel like a bitch saying that b/c she apparently just broke up with her boyfriend. Anyway, she was incredibly antsy and kept walking up to the counter to check on her food. The counterperson finally said, “look, there are a few people ahead of you but yours will be ready soon” and she went and sat outside and talked to her manpanion who was sporting a perm and short shorts and walking a little white dog. I think that I saw Giovanni Ribisi walking into that bookstore on Vermont a little later. Short, skinny, receding hairline. (Guess vitamins don’t cure everything, do they L. Ron?) And my personal favorite sighting, Lou Barlow (Sebedoh/Folk Implosion/Dinosaur Jr) shopping at the Silverlake Trader Joes with his beautiful wife (or gf?) and their sweet little baby girl. King of angst is really going to have something feel torn up about when that heartbreaker hits her teens, mark my words.

· Wednesday night at Urth Caffe, among all the Eurotrash, stood in line directly behind a most foppishly dressed Andre 3000 (I spotted his overalls and bright sweater before I spotted him), and I really have to be the first to say it but I have NO idea how he ends up on "best dressed" lists because he looked like a deranged New England fisherman by way of Beverly Hills. Also, some preteen girls came up to him and sweetly asked him for an autograph (or was it a picture?) and he brushed them aside and said he was busy. Duuude - for someone whose grasp on the public consciousness is slowly losing grip as surely as "Hey Ya!" is getting airplay on KOST 103.5, you could use the karma. Also, Tuesday night at Houston's in Santa Monica I saw a very fat man wearing a white tee shirt, a crappy pair of jeans and hideous sneakers walk outside to use the cell phone and I thought to myself, he looks overweight and slovenly enough to have his own CBS sitcom with an inconceivably attractive costar playing his wife. Sure enough, out popped a British accent which confirmed that it was, indeed, Mark "Who?" Addy, of "The Full Monty" and "Still Standing", er, fame.

· Finally, I have achieved my goal of a coveted Olsen twin sighting! While doing some last minute Halloween shopping with my bitches at Trashy Lingerie, who should walk in while we’re getting ready to walk out? ET! Er, I mean Mary-Kate Olsen. She was pretty much dressed like ET in old woman garb, so you can excuse the initial misunderstanding. She is 4 feet tall, and I think the oversized black blazer and big black hat she was wearing was quite possibly her costume. I’ve never thought about going as Jordan Knight from New Kids on the Block for Halloween, but maybe NKOTB is making a comeback. She was gnawing on her sunglasses [insert “Maybe if you ate a sandwich...” joke here] and seemed perturbed that there were so many plebs invading her personal space. It’s the Saturday before Halloween, lady, what do you expect?

· Cafe Mauro at Fred Segal - at this very moment (10/29) - is the center of the past their respective primes TV tart club: Tara Reid with trash entourage in tow, white wine with lunch, lots of it, just one table over from 80s video hussy and husband beater Tawny Kitaen with her kids and and an already “over” Ed Hardy t-shirt with designs only over boobage (much surgery evident, but weight down from the mug shot days), as recent club fighter Rose McGowen struts through from the gift shop shooting superior looks over at Taracide. Sadly, at this moment, Rose is clearly the queen of this trio.

· Just saw Gary Oldman (10.23) at the Pick-Up Stix in Studio City with 2 kids in tow. He looked pretty darn skinny, but good, and not all creepy unhealthy like so many of them do, with his professionally unkempt hair and ultra trendy trainers. He was very nice to some random dude that walked up and said hello, which wins him points in my book.

· Taking a break from school work on a lazy Sunday (10/30), I decided I'd treat myself to a Hickory Burger at the original Peach Pit, The Apple Pan. For a moment I thought I saw a young Dylan McKay, but to my surprise, the sideburns happened to belong to no other than Matt Dillon. Never had a thing for him, but I liked what I saw. He was with a very blond, very large breasted lady. Nat was no where to be found.

· Saw Kevin Dillon at Houston's in Century City on 10/30. He was sitting at the table across from us and gave me and my "Entourage" dirty looks.

· Saw Christina Aguilera and her man, Alicia Silverstone, Lisa Bonet, and Gina Gershon at the Linda Perry show at The Sunset's Roxy on Thurs, Oct 21.

· 10/20 Saw Nicole Richie, get this, STANDING IN LINE to get inside the Suspect fashion show at Element. I didn't know Hollywood royalty had to stand with the rest of the herd. She was with a girlfriend, no AM in sight. She looked really pretty, but a little heavy on the eye makeup. NR + friend must have gotten tired of waiting in line because she left after 5 or 10 minutes. Inside the club was...Mike Tyson??

· My BF and I have a habit of stopping by this little joint on Cahuenga called Tokio (misspelled on purpose, I guess... well, I hope). Anyway, on Friday we cozied up in a booth next to Nicole Richie. She seemed to be having a wonderful time. The black eye makeup she was wearing sort of made her look like a skeleton (the makeup combined with a lack of flesh, that is). She was either supposed to be a skeleton or maybe a fairy (she was wearing wings). Maybe a dead fairy. On Saturday, my BF and I got lucky and got into Spider club. Unfortunately, about 10 of our entourage did not. Therefore we turned around and walked right back out (forfeiting our $20, by the way). Where did we go? Right back to Tokio. Fun times ensued. I was more or less hammered after 3 Vodka-Redbulls. I spin around near the bar and find myself face-to-face with a bald black man in a yellow suit, walking with a cane. In my mind I was thinking, "I'm GOING TO GET KILLED BY SUGE KNIGHT". That was either in my mind or I screamed it, I'm not sure which. Anyway, he was rather pleasant.. sort of talked to my BF for a few seconds. Didn't kill anyone that I noticed. Maybe he's born again or something.

· Just spotted Hilary Duff and Joel Madden at the Bean on Ventura and Whitsett - cute outfit- pink sweater with jean skirt and ankle light green boots, he was wearing a sleeveless black shirt, black pants and some funky red sneakers. When they walked in everyone in line stared, even the old guy behind me. They made out for a bit in line, got their drinks, then continued walking down Ventura. She's really tiny.

· Saw Nicky Hilton at Taco Bell on Beverly.

· Just got back from the Arclight, where I saw John Krasinski (The Office) and David Schwimmer. They were there together, with a woman who, if she's "someone," I don't know her. I think she was with Krasinski. Saw them in the lobby before I went into the theater and again after, but have no idea if they were there to see Shopgirl like I was.

· as i was sipping my red wine at the bar of cafe stella in silverlake last saturday night (10/22), waiting for both an empty table and my boyfriend's return from the bathroom, i noticed the unmistakable mug/hair of joey slotnick facing me from a corner table. upon meeting me at the bar, my boyfriend asked if i had noticed who was in the corner, and i said, "yeah, joey slotnick," and he replied, "i'm not sure who that is, but david schwimmer is at that table in the corner." how could i have missed schwimmer? alas, there were no ladies at the table, so perhaps that threw me off. although they certainly classed it up with some wine and fine cheese, it was clearly "dudes' night out in hipsterville," which schwimmer and slotnick reinforced when they gave me the once-over twice — even after my man had joined me. they were with a third dude, whose back was to me until they paid up and exited, but once he got up i immediately recognized him as john krasinski — the floppy-haired protagonist of NBC's "the office." yes, i did have to consult ye ole' IMDB for that one, but i also learned that his b-day is 10/20, so perhaps it was "dudes' very special belated birthday night out." whatever it was to them, it meant only one thing to me: CELEBRITY HATRICK!

· Saw Dave Foley in line last night (10/24) at Largo, waiting to see the (always delightful) Paul F. Tompkins Show. Even with a few extra pounds and his hair in need of a good conditioner, he's still quite boyishly cute. He was telling the woman he was with (probably his wife?) some anecdote about Omaha.

· Saw Prime writer/director Ben Younger out with his girlfriend Vanessa Marcil at the Grove movie theater 10/29. Looked like an average cute couple. She was wearing glasses, sweatshirt and jeans. She is super tiny but perhaps that is because she will always be Donna Martin's bulimic ice skating cousine to me.

· I was at the Stanley Mosk Courthouse in downtown Los Angeles, very excited that the law firm finally let me out of the office, when I spotted Jay Mohr looking debonair in a very nice and colorful suit walking right by me on his way out. Is he suing someone? Is he being sued? Who knows? All I know is that the man looks exactly the same in person. Got to love LA - anyone can see a celeb on Robertson, but not many can say the same at the Mosk!

· Went out with my gay girls to Crazy Girls on Tues 10/25 and around 10:30 had half our view blocked by Natasha Henstridge and her tall, dark and totally typical Hollywood boyfriend. They sat front and center at the tip rail. Natasha was wearing a black clingy dress and fishnets, the kind of thing you put on when you want to talk yourself into doing something salacious. She let her escort do the tipping, but didn't freak out or anything when the strippers got up close (though she did seem vaguely shocked — maybe she's more like her Republican Commander in Chief character than Ms. Species?). After my gal pal bought a lapdance from a dark-haired, built-like-a-brick-house girl, Natasha's boy turned around and asked for advice — how much, was she any good, the usual. We had nothing but high praise and practical suggestions for getting the most for their money but had to bail before seeing whether they actually popped their respective cherries. (Then again, what the hell do I know? IMDB tells me she has a tattoo of "intertwined male and female symbols on her tailbone." Maybe she's just good at ACTING shocked. Also: there have been THREE Species movies? And when oh when is LA going to go back to letting strippers actually, you know, strip? There's only so much you can do with a pole dance when you can't take your top off.)

· Went to the fantastic Go! Team / Smoosh show for my birthday on Oct. 20th and in between sets my NYC transplant friend said, "man, it seems like in LA everyone is sorta staring at you, sizing you up, like they're checking to see if you're famous or not." Before I could concoct a pithy insult, my girlfriend pointed over his shoulder at LA actor/radio DJ/nightclub impresario Danny Masterson who was holding court with two ladies. I wished that I had an ownership stake in a hot LA nightclub and was wearing a suit so I could go talk to him and his wild hairdo. Alas...

· Halloween night, as the crowds of paupers fill the streets for the crappy (i.e. the not gay) halloween parade on Hollywood Blvd., I was cozied up out of the frenzy in the mostly empty Lucky Strike. Lo and behold, who am I bowling between but Jesse Metcalf, wearing an orange prisoners jumpsuit (way to blend!) and (this is the winner right here) TOMMY SHAW OF FUCKING STYX! It was his wife’s birthday. I think he bowled a 114. He’s still cool, even though the somebody made the DJ turn off Mr. Roboto. Bitches.

· * At the screening of Champion at the Hollywood Film Festival at the Arclight on Saturday 10/22- Danny Trejo with his entire family supporting the documentary about his life as an ex-convict, childhood alcoholic/druggie cum film star. I overheard Danny ask where the popcorn was sold and he returned after the lights had gone out. When he bumped into some guy's leg on his way back to his seat, he was like, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to touch you, it's dark." He's not as scary in person. *At the Ecstasy: In and About Altered States exhibit at the Geffen (MOCA) on Sunday 10/23, Jerry O'Connell and Rebecca Romijn. Damn, homegirl is tall. They made out in front of us in line for the mushroom room. Maybe they were in an altered state, but according to previous Defamer sightings, this is normal behavior for these two lovebirds.

· For what it's worth, saw Kyle "Muad'Dib" MacLachlan on a Jet Blue JFK-Burbank flight on 10/30. He was rocking a Trey-ish gray sweater and very conspicuously making notes in a script (pink and yellow - not goldenrod - pages) for his new series "In Justice." Dude's chin could rival Leno's. Tripped out thinking back on his career; this guy's been David Lynch's muse and was the recipient of Elizabeth Berkley's dying fish aquatic screw in "Showgirls." Alrighty then.

· Who's the boss?? That's right, TONY DANZA's the boss! Mr. Danza was enjoying a frosty margarita at Lucy's El Adobe on Saturday night. It was my friend's birthday, I totally wanted to go over and ask him to sing happy birthday to her. But alas, more sober dining mates of mine stopped me. But c'mon, we were a table of 14 cute, drunk girls - isn't that every C lister's dream?

· Friday night (10/21) started with Il Sole and Gina Gershon on a double date. Follwed by Joyce Pace Wildenstein mingling in the valet line. Then over to the Tower Bar at the Argyle where Karl Lagerfeld holds court at a table of fashionista, vampire, Gay freaks. Kind of looked like if Blade was Gay Blade. I love LA.

· Saw Anthony "Hang Time" Anderson at Flair Cleaners in Studio City. He was trying to explain to the woman behind the counter that he needed a stain out of his shirt - it was HUGE. It looked like someone dipped him in blue dye upside down. He proceeded to grab a free donut hole on his way out to his (no surprise here) silver, rimmed out, Range Rover.

· Saturday brunch (10/22) at Ammo, sitting in the corner, was none other than the fabulous JENNIFER COOLIDGE. Looking very tall, lush, and hopefully drunk (at least that's how I like to imagine her, holding a martini, saying something off color and wry).

· Finally a celebrity sighting worthy of submission (I mean, how many times can one trip over the butterscotch stallion at Votre anyway?) On my way to Whole Foods for the boss man I stopped at a red light on Santa Monica. One car in front of me and to the left was Danny Bonaduce in a beat up red convertible Pontiac circa 70 something. He was engaged in an animated converstion with the driver of a stakebed truck to his right. Sadly, the guy in the car next to me was blasting chicano rap so loudly I couldn't make out the convo but I imagine the teamster steered clear of the recent suicide attempt as Danny was smiling pretty big. They were so enjoying each other that it took them a good 5-10 secs to realize the light had turned green. Miraculously, no one honked. Ah the little perks of C List celebrity status. I was pretty pleased with myself until I shared the sighting with a friend who told me she saw Danny heading into Mood a few weeks ago accompanied by a really tall tranny festooned with a pink boa. Sigh.

· 10/21 - saw boy meets world has-been rider strong at the magic castle tonight. he had the same 9:30 dinner reservation as us. came with a group of about three people all his age. being some of the youngest people in the crowd, i think my friends and i were the only ones to recognize him. we had a good laugh thinking about sending him over a drink at dinner and then saying "its for topanga" with a wink.

· At the Baja Fresh on Sunset and Vine, saw Aaron Paul aka the guy on various failed shows like Point Pleasant and Threat Matrix that looks like the Dell computer guy but it's not the Dell computer guy ( i had to look him up on IMDB).. He was wearing a hood over his head indoors. He is also very very small. He looks kinda seedy too. I remember someone writing in on a previous siting how he looked like he crawled out of the dumpster behind the Spotlight. Highly possible that is where he had been earlier, it is right around the corner from Baja.

· Second day of my vacation in LA, Sunday, spotted David Charvet at a gas station on Lincoln near Santa Monica (I think). He pulled up right next to us, was filling up his silver Mercedes, and thoughtfully picking debris off the vehicle, expert squeegee action. Wore a white thermal top with a blue t-shirt over, jeans, and green old school Adidas. Had chinese characters tattooed down his forearm and a soul patch. Alot more diminutive than I thought, in a Ryan Secrest kind of way, but still pretty hot.