• At the last minute, Britney Spears makes the difficult decision to not whore her infant son to People magazine. No matter: This is the age of the internet, Brit, and the fate of the Federletus really isn't up to you. [Page Six]
• LACHLAN MURDOCH IS BACK IN NEW YORK!!! He's probably just visiting, but we don't care — hand us the lube, it's time to celebrate! [R&M]
• Can celebrities please try to fuck off-camera? Yeah, Carolyn Murphy, we're talking to you. [Page Six]
• Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham throws a hissy fit at the Rock and Republic fashion show when she hears that her denim won't be used on the catwalk. Slow news day. [Lowdown]