Gwyneth Declares War On Paparazzi
Realizing that even something as normal as taking her child to Disneyland can very well result in a Scarlett Johansson or Reese Witherspoon-type altercation with aggressive celebrity photographers, Gwyneth Paltrow is taking precautions and drawing up a battle plan before the front of the Great Celebrity-Paprazzi War of 2005 can advance Apple-ward:
GWYNETH Paltrow (above) has declared war on the paparazzi because she feels her daughter, Apple, is in danger. The star is afraid she'll end up like Princess Di. "If I have my daughter in the car and they are making me nervous, I'll do whatever I have to do," Paltrow tells V Life. "I keep a whole log. I take pictures of their cars, write down license plate numbers, everything. If they do it again, I can go to the police. I know my rights, and believe me, I will have them arrested. I will stop at nothing."
Of course, the police probably can't do anything until it's already too late, but Paltrow has proven she's ready for a fight. She's already mounted the head of an overeager paparazzo on her SUV's antenna like a foam Jack-in-the-Box ball to scare off potential vehicle-based assaults, and has taken to smearing her face with the blood of her fallen camera-wielding enemies while out shopping with her daughter. Don't get too close with that Nikon, paps, because Gwynnie will fucking cut you.