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• Under the stress of stalkerazzis trailing her fancy starletmobile, Scarlett Johansson gets into a car accident in a parking lot at Disneyland. Is Bonnie Fuller trying to get out of her job at Star by killing off all the celebs? [R&M]
• Kate Moss slaps down $3 million for a condo in LA, presumably to get away from her smack-loving, quasi-boyfriend Pete Doherty. Did we mention he's a crackhead? He shouldn't be so hard to evade, you know. If Moss really wanted to lose him, she could just hide in a clean house or something. [Page Six]
• For a mere $5000, you too can be locked on a cruise ship with losers from the Apprentice. Makes the Bill O'Reilly Loveboat sound like a dream in comparison. [Lowdown]
• Bruce Willis is spotted having dinner with Lindsay Lohan, but we're sure it was totally innocent. Surely they were just discussing Lindsay's college plans. [Page Six]
• Wouldn't it be great if Johnny Depp could swap his Girl Hands with the Seinfeldian Man Hands? [Scoop (2nd item)]