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Do you ever have one of those situations where every joke you could make would be terribly misconstrued? Yeah, us too.

Just the facts, then: Derek, Ingrid, M. Alexandra and Elizabeth Anne George are dressed head-to-toe in Barney's, like to look nice on the outside, and follow the A-to-Z principles of attitude. No, this is not a fake edition of the Look Book. After the jump, Intern Alexis forces Brian Stromquist and Joey Arak offer some helpful advice for this over-acheiving but stylishly sub-par family.

Brian Stromquist, Harvard Design grad student

The family George seem too good to be true. There must be something wrong with them. What happens when Amy Larocca leaves and they start getting real?

Well, reality TV, of course! Inspired by their mother's rumored plans to divorce (so much for that Chopra "love"), the George girls have prepared a light-hearted duet piano arrangement of TLC's "No Scrubs" (groan) to be performed at their upcoming audition for the UPN's new series, "R U The Girl?". This excites Ingrid to no end, who fantasizes about having a Tina Knowles-esque involvement in her daughters' musical careers. [Ingrid's notes-to-self: check barneys for eye patches. better yet, call ahead to robert marc, have them custom-made].

Meanwhile, Derek nervously awaits the arrival of his wayward nephew from West Philadelphia.

Two part question: Where do you see M. Alexandra and Elizabeth Anne in 10 years? And what the heeeelll does M stand for?

At a minority women-in-business luncheon co-hosted by Morgan Stanley and Fabian Basabe, M. Alexandra will see the series "Roots" for the first time, will resolve to get in touch with her cultural heritage, and will end up selling hand-made batik futon throws to NYU frosh at the Bleecker Street weekend market, next to the falafel man. Elizabeth Anne will have disappeared from the social scene altogether after a tragic, disfiguring bananes flamb es accident at her Princeton University eating club.

As for the M, well, let's face it - "Mahogany" seemed like a good idea back in 1992, but it just ain't gonna fly at St. Paul's, and Ingrid knows it all too well.

M. Alexandra and Elizabeth Anne are heading off to dork camp for the summer where we fear matching Laura Biagotti dresses will just not fly. How can we get these gals gussied up for Camp Loser?

Vera Bradley neck lanyards. Too bad their Teuscher Chocolate care packages are going to be jacked by the kids from the Fat Camp down the road.

Dude, dad's gay. Discuss.

I'm not totally convinced - with a nickname like "GQ," he could swing either way. If, however, they began calling him "Details," that would be a little more telling. I can imagine now the Derek-inspired "Gay or Anesthesiologist?" back page: "Zegna flat-front blue-green scrubs that leave nothing of that *inner George beauty* to the imagination."


Joey Arak, Curbed associate editor and unflappable half of Tale of Two Cities

The family George seem too good to be true. There must be something wrong with them. What happens when Amy Larocca leaves and they start getting real?

First off let me just say that I have a hard time believing that this is an actual family and not some clever ruse by the Black People Love Us team. My guess is that the instant they return home to their mothership, they very carefully remove their Zenga jackets and Barneys/Laura Biagiotti summer dresses, neatly place them back on hangers and put them in their closets (making sure that each piece of clothing has at least two inches of breathing room on each side), and then strip off their humanoid skin casings. After all, the costumes can overheat their circuitry if they wear them outside for too long.

Two part question: Where do you see M. Alexandra and Elizabeth Anne in 10 years? And what the heeeelll does M stand for?

I can't help but think of the Williams sisters when I make my poorly informed snap judgment about the George family. With that said, in 10 years we should look for M. Alexandra to be a has-been with just enough moments of triumph left in her to remind us all of her once unlimited potential. In 10 years we should check Elizabeth Anne's vagina for traces of Brett Ratner. And as for that "M.," my heart says "mistake" but my brain says "mademoiselle." They seem juuuuuuust pompous enough to pull that off.

M. Alexandra and Elizabeth Anne are heading off to dork camp for the summer where we fear matching Laura Biagotti dresses will just not fly. How can we get these gals gussied up for Camp Loser?

That's the thing about Camp Loser: no gussying needed. As a matter of fact, it would not surprise me if they were voted co-Prom Queens or whatever the summer camp equivalent is.

Dude, dad's gay. Discuss.

If only Ingrid would put on 100 pounds, then the couple could supplement their income posing as Star Jones and Al Reynolds impersonators. What person other than Mrs. Jones-Reynolds could possibly say "We are beautiful people inside and out. I start with the outside so when someone sees us, it's a pleasant experience. And then when they get to know us, we are lovely people inside," without the slightest hint of irony? Derek says they call him "GQ" at work, but that's only to your face, buddy. Behind your back it's strictly "Details."