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• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes beam back to NYC and set up camp in the Carlyle with their respective families...but only one mother will emerge alive. [Page Six]
• Meanwhile, Holmes has been introduced Cruise's ex-beard, Penelope Cruz. [Scoop]
• And, because we keep writing this sort of shit, all print reporters have been banned from the NYC premiere of War of the Worlds — except for People magazine, apparently, as they've expunged the necessary thetans from their masthead. [R&M]
• Jennifer Aniston is staying at the Peninsula in Chicago under the name "Mrs. Smith," which she apparently finds funny. She laughs and laughs and laughs and laughs — then rips her hair out. [Page Six]
• Wait, you mean the deaths of Tupac Shakur and Biggie Smalls might have been connected?! [NYDN]