This image was lost some time after publication.

Star magazine is reporting that Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher are going halfsies on a Kabbalah Bastard of Light™. The report says that she's eight weeks pregnant, but won't announce it officially until the third month—which leaves us with a good four weeks of half-hearted publicist denials. Since Star's report sounds like it might be the real deal this time (remember the other pregnancy rumors from back in June?), we really hope the flacks get creative this time. In fact, we'll even lend them a hand with a freebee. "The rumors that Demi is pregnant are completely unfounded. She's 42. Additionally, Ashton lacks the male reproductive system necessary to inseminate Demi; if you pull down his pants, he's smooth like a Ken doll."

In other news from Moore's extended family, Page Six has completely disavowed their Bruce Willis/Lindsay Lohan grope-fest story. Smells like someone's been talking to an angry lawyer!