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Given the diminished ratings that other awards shows suffered during this season of kudo-oversaturation and the splintering of television audience by the proliferation of cable and satellite, the Oscars were considered a relative...what were we talking about? Hey, can we get some sound-bites from geezers in the Academy complaining about the all the newfangled doodads in the overhauled talkies telecast?

"You're not selling Preparation H here," said John Calley, a member of the academy and a former chairman of Sony Pictures Entertainment. Mr. Calley, who is widely regarded as one of the film industry's elder statesmen, added, "You don't sacrifice the essence of it to achieve speed or youth." [...]

To some it even seemed cruel to award Oscars in the aisles. "To give it to them in an alleyway, or a men's room, or a driveway just diminishes the experience," said Mr. Calley, who said out loud what other members said privately.

We knew we shouldn't have taken that bathroom break in the middle of the show. We completely missed the part where Sidney Lumet received his honorary award in a Kodak Theatre men's room stall, where he'd fallen asleep taking care of some business during one of those horrid Beyonce songs.