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During our liveblogging of the Oscars, we noted, "Dustin Hoffman is clearly drunk as he slurs his way through the nominees for Best Picture." We realize that it was unfair of us to speculate that Mr. Hoffman was actually impaired during the ceremony's culminating moment, mostly because we were so drunk that we had to type that line three times to get the spelling of "Hoffman" correct. So in the cold, sober light of day, we fired up the TiVo to break down Hoffman's Best Picture presentation performance for signs of inebriation. Here's the blow-by-blow so that you can judge for yourselves:

· The curtain is raised and Hoffman and Barbra Streisand waddle toward the mic at the front of the stage. Hoffman looks confused that he must hold both the Oscar envelope and Streisand's hand. He fumbles with the envelope before finally pulling off this stunt of extreme coordination.

· Hoffman talks over Streisand's first attempt to begin reading off the teleprompter, mumbling, "You're beautiful, Barbra," while looking down at the floor like a guilty child.

· Hoffman waits his turn, then slurs in monotone and slowly rocks back and forth while delivering his lines (phonetic approximation): "Eassch film notonlyenchances the sschtature of the many artissts whose team effort brought it to FRUISSCION, but also adds to the luster of the entire. film. community." Hoffman then looks up breifely at the rafters, as if a lighting technician might fall on him.

· Hoffman smirks exaggeratedly after Streisand says "...proudly we present these five outstanding films."

· Hoffman apparently forgets that he's supposed to announce The Aviator, only delivering his lines after Streisand urges, "You go, honey." His attention again seems to slip; he dips back in towards the mic to intro Finding Neverland only after Streisand reaches for him. He puts an odd emphasis on the word "producers."

· Streisand again reels in Hoffman with her arm, Hoffman stumbles through "Million Dolly... (uh) Baby..." He vigorously rubs Streisand's lower back, displacing her dress. It is a move both affectionate and strangely aggressive, but seemingly laden with a residual sexual longing from the set of Meet the Fockers, feelings that might emerge only after cocktails at the end of a trying day of shooting.

· Having had sufficient practice with the first two nominees, he gets through the Ray and Sideways intros without incident. The weird emphasis on "producers" has now apparently become "his thing."

· Here's where all hell breaks loose: Streisand reaches for the envelope, which Hoffman has hidden behind his back. Before she can retrieve it from him, he leans over to the mic and announces into her cleavage, "And the Oscar goes to.." out of turn. Hoffman says "ssorry" as Streisand finally grabs it from him. Hoffman urges Streisand to "Go ahead" as she opens the envelope. She claims to have forgotten her glasses. She reaches for him to show him the winner, but he feints backwards while reading from the card, putting her momentarily off balance. Hoffman then whispers the name of the winner (presumably) dramatically in her ear.

Even after with this painstaking, TiVo assisted review of the telecast, we can't conclusively determine what was going on with Hoffman. Ultimately, the truth can be known only to the esteemed actor, his flask, and perhaps a somewhat ethically limber pharmacist who has no problem doling out refills for back pain meds.