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While Million Dollar Baby was busy winning the Heathen/Gay/Jew Awards (we call them "The Oscars," it's less of a mouthful), Jesus was busy collecting a Golden Crucifix from the Movieguide Faith & Values Awards for The Passion of the Christ. Predictably, JC peppered his acceptance speech with shout-outs to his father, mother, and his agent (the Holy Spirit always gets ten percent), then thanked Mel Gibson for "really making it look like I was getting my ass kicked for two hours." The Messiah then added, "It was pretty hilarious to show up at craft services covered in stage blood, flaps of flayed skin dangling, and overturn the breakfast buffet table in righteous anger because they were out of glazed doughnuts." Unfortunately, the Son of Man's riff on director Mel Gibson's penchant for practical jokes was drowned out by the orchestra.