8:25 - Okay, got E! on. So nervous. So excited. Only five minutes to go — how's my hair?
8:30 - Whoa, E! News Princess Giuliana looks like shit. It's only 5:30 AM out there, but: eye cream. Look into it.
8:32 - What's up with the little countdown clock in the corner? When it hits zero, will Hollywood be born anew?
8:37 - Only a minute and thirty seconds left! Movie expert Ryan Downey is telling us...nothing. Giuliana says this is all "very exciting."
8:38 - Academy darklord Frank Pearson enters, grandiose fanfare music — his mouth is barely moving. Cue obligatory Carson shoutout.
8:40 - Adrian Brody joins Pearson for the reading, does Binaca schtick. They start announcing in hyper-speed:

Best Supporting Actress: Blanchett, Linney, Madsen, Okonedo, Portman
Best Supporting Actor: Alda (he's still alive?), Church, Foxx (for Collateral), Freeman, Owen
Best Actress: Bening, Moreno, Staunton, Swank, Winslet
Best Actor: Cheadle, Depp, DiCaprio, Eastwood, Foxx (for Ray)
Best Director: Scorsese - Aviator, Eastwood - Million Dollar Baby, Hackford - Ray, Payne - Sideways, Leigh - Vera Drake

8:41 - Screenplays...too many names and they're not pretty like actors. Foreign language, animated... yawn.
8:41:30 - You can tell Frank Pearson wishes he had a drumroll to accompany the Best Picture Nominees:
The Aviator, Finding Neverland, Million Dollar Baby, Ray, Sideways
 8:42 - Um, that's it. It's over. I certainly didn't come.
8:43 - Giuliana seems unimpressed. Lots of "Whoa...yeah...well..."
8:44 - That Downey dude is pissed about Giamatti. No big surprises. Says only "internet nerds" were rooting for Alan Alda.
8:45 - Do you really need notecards, Giuliana, to recap the nominations that occured just four minutes prior?