Imagine a bullfrog, sitting on a rock. Can you picture it? Now ask yourself: where is the bullfrog? Is he on the rock? Or is he in your mind? Gurl U no U must make out with the man that ask U this.

The koan: "Buddha's Zen"

Buddha said: "I consider the positions of kings and rulers as that of dust motes. I observe treasures of gold and gems as so many bricks and pebbles. I look upon the finest silken robes as tattered rags. I see myriad worlds of the universe as small seeds of fruit, and the greatest lake in India as a drop of oil on my foot. I perceive the teachings of the world to be the illusion of magicians. I discern the highest conception of emancipation as a golden brocade in a dream, and view the holy path of the illuminated ones as flowers appearing in one's eyes. I see meditation as a pillar of a mountain, Nirvana as a nightmare of daytime. I look upon the judgment of right and wrong as the serpentine dance of a dragon, and the rise and fall of beliefs as but traces left by the four seasons."

The enlightenment: Buddha's wife glared at him. "No, babe," he said sheepishly, "the robe you got me for my birthday was great."

This has been "Zen Koans Explained." Valentine, valiant crime.

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