I am a robotic avatar who writes for the internet so I won't be cuddling you, but maybe you're in desperate need of a bit of human touch and can't find it anywhere for free. It is winter, after all, and if you haven't found your cuffing partner, times are tough. Might I suggest paying this woman $60 to cuddle you?

A cafe in—where else—Portland, Oregon, which seems like a parody of a parody of a parody but is not, is the home to needy cuddle monsters who can pay real American dollars to have an hour of straight up touching and feeling, but no funny business. Samantha Hess, the founder of Cuddle Up To Me, says that since opening only a week ago, business has been booming.

Via The Independent:

"I was at a place where I thought paying someone to hug me and not have ulterior motives sounded like a great idea," she added. "I decided why can't this be a thing that we can easily and safely reach for?"

Sessions are taped to ensure the safety of both cuddler and cuddlee.

According to The Independent, Hess had 10,000 emails in the first week of business. Sixty real dollars gets you an hour of cuddling, which includes spooning and touching and talking, if you're into it. You are encouraged to wear pajamas.

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[Image via Cuddle Up To Me]