Why Aren't You Buying These Lighthouses Yet? Time Is Running Out

39.18K

Cord Jefferson

08/07/13 05:12PM

Filed to: things we like

The minutes are ticking away, friend, and with them your chance to buy one of two New England lighthouses currently for sale and live in it, like an old retired sea captain or a pirate's ghost. What the hell are you waiting for?

The United States government is right at this very moment auctioning off two lighthouses: Saybrook Breakwater in Connecticut and the magnificent Graves Island lighthouse, which towers more than 110 feet and sits on a rocky 10-acre patch of land nine miles off the coast of Boston. As if the lighthouses themselves aren't beautiful enough, you don't even have to know how to operate them, according to Meta Cushing, the US General Services Administration Employee to whom we spoke:

All are significant navigational aids to local mariners and will remain so. New owners are just buying the historic structure. [US Coast Guard] will continue to maintain the aids to navigation at each light.

The bidding for Graves Island, which ends early tomorrow morning, has reached more than $500,000. But Saybrook is being offered at the relatively low price of $205,000. They're not inexpensive, by any means, but nobody ever said whiling away your days amid the waves as if you were a wild and salty child of Neptune was cheap.

If you buy one of these lighthouses you will have out-Brooklyned Brooklyn. "Oh, you have a tattoo of a ship on your arm? A pirate mustache? Cool, I live in a fucking rusty, spooky lighthouse on a pile of rocks. Bye."

[Image via Wikimedia]

The following replies are approved. To see additional replies that are pending approval, click Show Pending. Warning: These may contain graphic material.

8

The Ghost of ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ AKA BabySteps Cord Jefferson 08/07/13 05:14PM

You know, at first I was all like "OHHHH" then I thought about it for a second and wondered where I would put my glass-front Sub-Zero refrigerator and my 48" 4-burner Wolf range with grill and griddle and I realized I would have to pass on this one. Le Sigh!

3

Kennyyc111 The Ghost of ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ AKA BabySteps 08/07/13 05:20PM

Im in the same exact position! We have such rough lives :(

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The Ghost of ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ AKA BabySteps Kennyyc111 08/07/13 05:21PM

I know, right?

Kennyyc111 The Ghost of ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ AKA BabySteps 08/07/13 07:00PM

I guess my 24,070 sqft house will have to do for now :/

1

The Ghost of ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ AKA BabySteps Kennyyc111 08/07/13 07:30PM

I know, we all must make due with our current shacks. It really is a shame. But once this Obama person is out of office good times will roll again my friend. good times will roll!

2

raincoaster Cord Jefferson 08/07/13 05:24PM

Well, see, the cost is why nobody's rushing to buy these things. They usually have to pay people to stay on them anyway.

3

Proofer raincoaster 08/07/13 06:01PM

It's perfect for a writer, though.

4

raincoaster Proofer 08/07/13 06:18PM

Yes, except the "must have $500,000 handy or qualify for a mortgage" thing.

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Proofer raincoaster 08/07/13 06:19PM

It's time you wed someone rich, mate. xxo

2

raincoaster Proofer 08/07/13 06:32PM

I hear ya! It's hard out there for a pinko writer Canuck.

24

rmric0.wedding.photographer Cord Jefferson 08/07/13 05:17PM

Only two of those lighthouses are in New England.

Also, if you own a lighthouse there's a lot of upkeep. I mean you have to keep away the smugglers pretending to be ghosts to scare away locals, you have to sacrifice a woman to the sea every year to stave off the wrath of Poseidon, plus you need a boat and those are always money pits.

Zzoyd rmric0.wedding.photographer 08/07/13 07:16PM

Not sure, and I hate to offer a contrary opinion here, but I believe that would be a 'virgin' that is required, not merely a 'woman'. I don't have the latest regs on this and I haven't seen the listing details so more due diligence would definitely be advisable.

Virgins in Boston, I'm told, are hard to come by and could be quite pricey.

/Z

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Updog rmric0.wedding.photographer 08/07/13 07:23PM

Connecticut is a part of New England, as is Boston.

rmric0.wedding.photographer Updog 08/07/13 07:33PM

The article initially referred to three New England Lighthouses, New York is not in New England.

1

rmric0.wedding.photographer Zzoyd 08/07/13 07:36PM

Poseidon can be very accepting these days, and if you're going for boy virgins you can hit up some university D&D clubs. Not too late in the semester though

9

DoctorNine Cord Jefferson 08/07/13 05:41PM

Nice summer getaway.

Fall/Winter? Not so much.

ThatsJustTurrible DoctorNine 08/07/13 10:00PM

C'mon that would be pretty awesome to experience for one day. I shall Airbnb this place for one night, please

3

Astigmatism ThatsJustTurrible 08/08/13 09:01AM

From the Coastguard's history of Minot's Ledge Lighthouse, a.k.a.

:

"Then easterly winds began blowing around April 8, 1851. Bennett departed for the mainland 3 days later and this was the last time he saw his two assistants alive. When he sought to return next day, too heavy a sea was running at Minots Ledge to permit the attempt. The storm increased in fury and, by the 16th, was causing considerable damage ashore. At Minots Ledge, the two assistant keepers kept the bell ringing and the lamps burning, but just before midnight on the 16th they cast a bottle adrift containing a message for the outside world in case they failed to survive. The high tide at midnight sent wave after wave through the upper framework of the weakened structure. What actually happened then will never be known. Probably about 11 p.m. the central support snapped off completely, leaving the top-heavy 30-ton lantern tower held only by the outside piling. Then just before 1 a.m. on April 17, 1851, the great Minots Ledge Lighthouse finally slid over toward the sea. One by one the eight iron pilings broke until only three remained. The keepers, probably realizing that the end was near, began pounding furiously on the lighthouse bell. This was heard by residents of the Glades. With the tower bent over, the remaining supports now gave way and the great tower plunged into the ocean.

* The body of Joseph Antoine was washed ashore later at Nantasket. Joseph Wilson managed to reach Gull Rock, probably mistaking it for the mainland. Here he apparently died of exhaustion and exposure."

1

nachotaco Astigmatism 08/08/13 01:13PM

Jesus Christ, nightmare upon nightmare. The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli....