The FBI Is Negotiating With the Oregon Militia
It’s getting colder and colder and no one’s taking them seriously anyway, so it’s little wonder that this week, Head Oregon Militia Idiot Ammon Bundy opened negotiations with the FBI.
The talks officially began Friday, though Bundy reportedly initiated the conversation Thursday on a cell phone he borrowed from an FBI agent outside the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge, where Bundy and his merry band of idiots have been holed up for the last month.
According to The Oregonian, Bundy was returning one of 14 voicemails left for him by an FBI negotiator identified only as “Chris.”
Bundy’s negotiating tactic, it may surprise no one to learn, was to play dumb: “I’m a face-to-face kind of guy,” Bundy reportedly told the negotiator. “You reached out to me ... I’m not sure exactly what you wanted to talk about.”
The negotiator asked why Bundy picked Harney County.
“You’re familiar with the Hammonds,” Bundy said in a sardonic tone. The federal government for years has tried to buy the Hammond ranch to add to the refuge holdings, he claimed.
The negotiator pressed for what Bundy wanted to see done with the refuge. Bundy said it should be turned over to Harney County officials.
He said his group wouldn’t leave until practical steps had been taken to get the refuge out of federal control and ensure the refuge buildings were never again used by the federal government.
How would that get done, the agent asked.
“I don’t know,” Bundy said. “We could put more thought to that.”
Make that really, really dumb:
Bundy had questions of his own. He asked by what right was the FBI involved in the refuge occupation.
“Are you here under authority of the sheriff?” Bundy asked.
When the negotiator said the sheriff had asked for federal help, Bundy responded, “You do not have the people’s authority to be here.”
In measured tones, the negotiator told him, “The sheriff has asked for our assistance.”
It’s going to be a long winter, and even worse—they only have one bag of dicks to last until spring.
