The Metro Is Apparently So Dangerous No One Can Take It At All Tomorrow So Have a Good Evening Commute!

The Washington D.C. Metropolitan Area Transit Authority (WMATA) announced today it will shut down the District’s metro system tomorrow due to an “emergency investigation.” But everything will be just fine for commuters tonight, probably.

The problem—which is somehow both safe enough for commuters to travel on the Metro this evening, yet dangerous enough that the city is shutting its entire down for an entire day with just a few hours notice—is reportedly related to jumper cables.

WMATA’s general manager and CEO Paul J. Wiedefeld says he can’t promise the problem isn’t life-threatening—but on the bright side, he also can’t promise it is.

“While the risk to the public is very low, I cannot rule out a potential life safety issue here, and that is why we must take this action immediately,” Wiedefeld said.

No need to panic, I’m sure!!!!