Image: Getty

David Copperfield, the man who famously stole the Statue of Liberty in 1983 as a nation looked on in horror and disgust, wants to make a mockery of our American values yet again. David Copperfield wants Congress to officially recognize magic, the same magic that has caused both infinite hours of embarrassment and David Blaine, as “art.”

More specifically David Copperfield (not even his real name) wants our ruling government body to pass House Resolution 642, which would recognize “magic as a rare and valuable art form and national treasure.” The resolution, which is being sponsored by Rep. Pete Sessions (R-TX), offers a number of justifications for why our notoriously gridlocked congress should make time to discuss the value of “magic” as art.

These reasons include the facts that:

  • “Magic enables people to experience the impossible.” To which I counter that magic is not real.
  • “Magic is used to inspire and bring wonder and happiness to others.” To which I counter that magic also inspires our children to get beat up by other, more well-adjusted children.
  • “Futurist Arthur C. Clarke claimed that any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.” To which I counter this is not at all what he Arthur C. Clarke was talking about and this is getting embarrassing.
  • “David Copperfield, with 21 Emmy Awards, 11 Guinness World Records, and over four billion dollars in ticket sales, has impacted every aspect of the global entertainment industry.” To which I counter that, David, no one cares.
  • “People consistently leave David Copperfield’s live magic show with a different perspective than when they entered.” To which I counter that I saw a David Copperfield live magic show once and fell asleep about 25 minutes in.

And of course, that:

  • “There is not an effective national effort to support and preserve magic.” To which I say, thank fucking god.

Sessions, who is the House Rules Committee Chairman—the same rules committee that decides which resolutions are actually called to a vote—claims that “this is art. Magic is art.”

While some Democrats are correctly mocking the effort, Rep. Dina Titus (D-NV) told NPR, “There are many magicians who live in my district, and many magicians who work in my district.” Rep. Titus—we are so sorry.

In these times, we urge Congress to remember that a vote for magic is a vote for this:

Unfortunate image: Getty

Please, call your local Representative and tell them to vote NO on magic.

[h/t NPR]