Newly declassified documents from Osama bin Laden’s Abbottabad retirement compound show that al Qaeda’s rigorous HR department wasn’t just trolling LinkedIn for resumes—the terror organization had a formal application process. “Who should we contact in case you became a martyr?”

This “Instruction to Applicants,” translated and today declassified by the Office of the Director of National Intelligence, is a little bit Common App, a little bit Proust Questionnaire, and a little bit McDonald’s University, with a litany of questions to make sure you’re up to jihadi snuff.

Applicants were asked to provide some personal background (nicknames are welcome!) and core proficiencies. Language skills and extracurriculars are a big plus.

Highlights of the questionnaire include:

  • Any hobbies or pastimes? __________________
  • What is your favorite material: science or literature? ____________________
  • Do you wish to execute a suicide operation? ___________________
  • Do you have any chronic or hereditary disease(s)? ______________

And, like any good piece of paperwork, you’re asked to provide an emergency contact:

You can read the application in full below, and if you’re thinking of applying, please keep these guidelines in mind:

Contact the author at biddle@gawker.com.
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