The streets of the East Village are so very "I Am Legend" right now! It's like the rapture happened and only sleepy sinners are, at last, left behind! Hoorah. (This means: Cute dudes going to the deli in sweats.) This is a great preview of what New York's going to be in twenty years, after the mosquitos bring Chikungunya north from the tropics, like they did in Italy! End times! As my mother put it in an email yesterday: "WTF— it's 61 degrees there??" The Alaskan walruses are biting the hot dust! China's glaciers? Not so glacial. (Who knew China had glaciers?)

Borat Sagdiyev, the mild-mannered Kazakhstani journalist known for his investigations of America and a documentary film of the same name, as well as for the great offense that he gave the Jews, has died. Similarly, so has talk show host Ali G, an English journalist best known for his willingness to ask questions that probably should have been asked but everyone felt too stupid to do so.

Christmas Eve for Jews is depressing! Especially for me, in part because I hate Chinese food. Also, it's the birthday of Christ (who my people killed) so that makes me feel bad. But, one way I could see feeling better about myself is going to The Ball, an event where "4,000 Jewish Singles take over 5 Chelsea/Meatpacking Nightclubs (Hiro, The Park, The Cabanas, Highline Ballroom and Earth)." A) My mom would be pleased as punch! B) I don't know, I always get this frisson of excitement when I find out not all Jews are bookish. Some are actually complete losers. C) Jewish girls totally put out at Christmas.

"Hey, put that croissant down!"