Ousted founder of Vimeo, the Original Fameball, and now pointedly crazy internet personae Jakob Lodwick has finally written the definitive treatise on how to deal with the pressures he's experienced from "a prominent online gossip publication." And it's not terrible!

No more disturbing stoner moments for Jakob Lodwick! The hipster internet nabob has quit weed and cut back on booze, even caffeine. Unfortunately, detox just means more nakedness.

It's hard out there for an Objectivist. At least, that's according to Normative founder Jakob Lodwick, who cites his mama when deciding that we're all just too negative to appreciate the risk-taking, innovative soul behind Vimeo and (too a much more secretive extent) Muxtape. You animals have scared him away from the Internet with your snide comments and ad hominem insults! Never mind that markets, like emotional states, tend to be volatile — if your will is positive enough, you can conquer all, promise! At least, that's the theory. Lodwick has decided to stop trying to live up to it and will cease to publish anything but positivity online, presumably with comments disabled.

We don't own a smoking jacket or get manicures, so were unaware that New York wantrepreneurs Charles Forman of Iminlikewithyou and fired Connected Ventures cofounder Jakob Lodwick appear in the latest issue of Esquire until Forman pointed it out to us this morning. "Good to see you yesterday," Forman managed to say before asking: "Are you going to put my Esquire thing on Valleywag?" Fine. But only because it gives us a chance to examine what, exactly fellow wantrepreneur Julia Allison sees in him. Yes, the pair are dating. (Though we hear she sometimes forgets his name when introducing him at parties.)

Promiscuous hipster investor Jakob Lodwick is once again looking to score for free. "Basically, if you want to work your ass off for me a few days a week," Jakob wants you for his music startup, Normative. Noting Lodwick's post-IAC riches, Tumblr'r Corinne offers this rewrite of his ad:

Jakob Lodwick is back in the Bay Area, kicking it at his cousin's San Francisco-based startup. The only thing slightly more terrifying than the prospect of one of our local girls becoming his new softcore pinup is the notion that Lodwick might end his blogging strike. Oh wait, he has — three times over. Lodwick, unemployed after getting fired from Connected Venture by Barry Diller, lasted 20 days without blogging. Alongside our daily dose of Jakob Lodwick, he'll expose us to stuff he likes, and apparently work on a political manifesto dubbed The Invisible Fist in which he'll attempt to destroy capitalism as we know it. Good luck on Sand Hill Road, Jakob.

Wacky entrepreneur-turned-egoblogger Jakob Lodwick has vowed that from here onward, he'll reveal "less, not more" about his life online. A wise move that would prevent him from, say, deleting entire blog entries as soon as they're reported on. Buried deep within his Normative nonexplainer is his new philosophy of revealing "a morsel" rather than his whole "lunch" because he's learned some sort of lesson. The real reason? Without Julia Allison, he's just not that interesting.

Jakob Lodwick's brief, one-sided spat with fellow Web-music entrepreneur Peter Rojas was just a warm-up act. Lodwick has announced his new project, Normative. We'll make this short, since Lodwick squanders endless words on a heart-wrenching tale of the music industry's slide and his efforts to purchase normative.com from a cybersquatter.