After 9/11, the US Navy launched a massive program to build a "Littoral Combat Ship" that could fight submarines, clear underwater mines, and perform other tasks close to shore, because, um... you never know where the terrorists might be, with snorkels. Astoundingly, it appears more and more like this boondoggle has become—you guessed it—a boondoggle.

Last night on Conan O'Brien, beloved silver-haired hurricane foe Anderson Cooper told a charming story about a defining moment in every young boy's life: Getting cosmetic surgery with your legendary socialite mom. Don't worry, Anderson's still real. He kept the "fatty deposit" under his eye (it adds character!). The whole thing is alarming, though. Does America really want to see Anderson's every flaw? Will HD ruin the magic? Can't they smear a little Vaseline on the lens and film him like a 30s movie starlet until we're all ready to deal with his imperfections?