This must be why she was running around with her head in a pillowcase the other night. Not because Heidi's big plastic surgery reveal is a People magazine exclusive, but because it is scary. She's a silicone cyborg.

If News Corp. and Time Warner can't resolve their spat by tomorrow, Fox is pulling all of its channels from the cable system. Hmm... Is losing American Idol worth never having to see Glenn Beck again?

Though newly minted Extra host Mario Lopez may appear squeaky-clean, longtime readers of Defamer will remember the oh-so-smooth skeleton in his closet: Chesthairgate! Caught in a terrible lie about whether or not he shaves his chest (who can forget the plaintive Star magazine commenter "chris," who said, "He talks about how religious he is, and has such a strong faith. Excuse me...since when is not being honest ok?"), Lopez suddenly found his most valuable physical asset the object of intense scrutiny. Now, as he ascends to the position of respected celebutainment anchorman, a cruel Lopez is threatening to take his smooth, smooth toys and go home:

But before any of O'Donnell's many detractors announce their deep satisfaction at watching the feathered national symbol taking several hungry chunks out of the outspoken Iraq War critic's face, we'd first like to remind them that no one got off more from the sequence than Rosie herself, for whom the near-fatal eagle-pecking was just the manifestation of a lifelong fantasy that began the time a nine-year-old Rosie spent the night trapped beneath the covers with a family of frantic pigeons, armed only with their tiny beaks and a desperate will to survive.

Joely Richardson appeared at a benefit in London yesterday showing "signs of strain," as the Daily Mail puts it, though being careful to never use the dreaded A-word that cost the publication $6000 in a damages to Keira Knightley.

So popular was Rosie O'Donnell's guest starring stint on Nip/Tuck—which included an infamous sex scene on a zebra-skin rug that inspired a great many viewers to blind themselves on the nearest coffee-table corner and/or coat hook—that the prospect of a fifth season of the FX drama without O'Donnell's character seemed unthinkable. Rest easy, Dawn Budge fans—more naked Rosie awaits:

As Nip/Tuck's long suffering Julia McNamara, Joely Richardson has for four seasons now been subjected to the bizarre and often sadistic whims of that series' writing staff, including a major arc this season in which we follow the stay-at-home plastic surgeon's wife carry a baby she knew would be born with flippers for hands to term. Richardson now finds herself reluctantly having to abandon her deformed TV child to tend to the needs of her actual child, as the London Daily News is reporting that Richardson has alerted producers that she would need to take leave from the series in order to accompany her teenage daughter back to England for a series of serious medical procedures to treat a circulatory birth defect:

Yesterday's LAT audited FX series Nip/Tuck's attention-grabbing decision to have two of its characters respond to emotional enturbulation by seeking solace in the welcoming bosom of L. Ron Hubbard*, an instantly controversial storyline that creator/provocateur Ryan Murphy and network executives insist is rooted in a genuine curiosity about the religion, not a cynical attempt to court publicity or for e-meter-related gag potential. (Accordingly, their choice to cast Tom Cruise nemesis and postpartum antidepressant street-drug prescribee Brooke Shields as a psychiatrist was purely coincidental, based solely on the fact that the actress had always "felt psychiatristy" to Murphy.) But for someone who's obviously taking great public pains to present Scientology in a non-judgmental, unbiased light, FX's president still sounds a little spooked by the Church's possible overreaction to their ecumenical explorations: