Central Connecticut State University was thrown into a panic yesterday when reports of an armed person on the premises sent the campus into a lockdown. After three hours of worry, it was over: a suspect had been arrested, no weapon was found, and police say there was never a threat in the first place. What gives?

These guys sure thought they knew what it would take to play a ninja in a movie but they didn't. Unfortunate and embarrassing for them, but awesome for us.

Frank Bruni eviscerates the swollen Tribeca eatery Ninja today (and rightfully so — having been there, we find it unimaginable that this venue is permitted to exist) and declares, "For a toddler with a trust fund and a yen for udon and maki, Ninja might be a valid alternative to the Jekyll and Hyde restaurant." Okay, so Frank's not a fan of the joint, either. But how much does he hate the "dreary subterranean labyrinth?" When describing the ninja servers' repetitive ninja catcalls, he writes: