But first the comedic/folksy/funky/sugalumpy duo needs a story, says Bret McKenzie (the non-bespectacled half). You don't have much going on these days—maybe you should write one for them. Just don't make the jokes "too Wellington." [Image: Getty]

Today we learned about a very lucky pilot who nearly met his end in New Zealand. With such a close call, you have to wonder what was going on in the cockpit during that landing. One helpful commenter supplied us with the transcript.

A special message for you Christmas celebrators: This year, when using your helicopter to set up and decorate your tree, try not to fly close to any structures. Otherwise, your propellers might get caught and cause you to have a crash in which you die. That would ruin Christmas!

When New Zealander Les Kennington, who is a man, visited a health clinic complaining about severe stomach pains, doctors suggested that his past hysterectomy might be to blame. They know he had a hysterectomy because his medical report says so. Why does it say so, though, given that Kennington is a man?

We've all thought about tricking the person we're currently dating into marrying us at a wedding that we've organized in secret, haven't we? No? Oh. Well, Cherie Butler of New Zealand had the idea—and just yesterday demonstrated that it's not always a wrong-headed or crazy one.

The Taurunga oil spill off the coast of New Zealand unleashed 2,500 barrels of heavy fuel into a fragile ecosystem, coating thousands of local seabirds in oil. This puts many of them — particularly the mind-meltingly adorable Little Blue Penguin — at serious risk of freezing and/or being poisoned to death. We know, we know. After today's news from Ohio, there's only so much animal suffering you can take. But you can actually help, particularly if you know how to knit.

In response to light formations ("bat signals") in the sky, a man wearing Batman garb showed up at the main police station in Christchurch, New Zealand wondering what the emergency was. But a police officer determined that the man was too "scrawny" to be the actual Batman, and dismissed him as an imposter. Guess they didn't hear about Batman's Sensa diet.

Remember that emperor penguin that somehow turned up on the shores of New Zealand after getting lost off the coast of Antarctica? Besides giving it the least original name of all time (Happy Feet? Seriously?), conservasionists set the penguin free on September 4, and were monitoring its progress with a satellite transmitter. Only problem: they superglued the transmitter to the penguin's feathers. Some not so happy thoughts from the AP:

You can't really predict where you're going to be when an earthquake hits, but when a 6.3 quake rumbled New Zealand on Monday, the people in this hardware store were stuck scrambling from falling tools and machines.

Earlier this week Shrek, the world's (probably) wooliest sheep, died in New Zealand at age 16. So as the nation ponders its future without Shrek — an animal so famous and influential that it had the ear of the prime minister — museums are lining up for the right to display his stuffed carcass for future generations. The national museum, Te Papa, wants him, and so does the Otago Museum near his home. But what would Shrek want? The New Zealand Herald explains:

It's been a tough year for world famous animals. Knut died. Ming Ming, the world's oldest panda, died, too. And Shrek, the New Zealand sheep that hid in a cave for six years to avoid his owner's shears, was was put down last weekend. When Shrek emerged from his cave in 2004 his fleece was finally clipped, producing almost 60 pounds of wool. He then set off on a nationwide tour that included a meeting with the prime minister.

New Zealand PM John Key apparently doesn't mind the deadly, coma-inducing Australasian internet craze called planking. In fact, he supports it. In a picture posted to the Facebook group Planking New Zealand over the weekend, his son Max is seen planking in the premier's residence under the watchful eyes of his father. Just what kind of message is John Key sending to the youth of his nation?

If you lived in New Zealand and found a poisonous white-tailed spider hiding in your Domino's Pizza box, would you: a. scream; b. run into another room as fast as possible, then scream; or c., scold the spider for disturbing the peace in violation of national custom?

Two crew members on the set of Peter Jackson's much-delayed production of The Hobbit were treated at the hospital yesterday after an explosion inside a New Zealand workshop. Apparently the two were "drilling a statue" when the accident occurred. It's good to hear that they're both doing well, but the last thing this movie needs is something else that will keep it from getting to theaters. [Image via AP]

Ever wondered how much meth you can squeeze into your sneakers? Between 800 grams and a kilo per pair, that's how much, apparently. Ten people from a Malaysian "tour group" were caught at the Auckland Airport in New Zealand yesterday, each with roughly the same amount of meth in their shoes totaling just over $8 million (USD). Customs agents were tipped off because the smugglers carried "itineraries that were in English but (they) couldn't speak English."

A New Zealand grocery store's computer system opened the doors and turned on the lights from 1:00 a.m. on Good Friday until around 9 a.m., possibly due to a "computer glitch" but more likely just because the computer wanted to mess with us. The early-morning free-for-all ended when police were contacted and told that people were taking "truckloads of groceries"; the owner reports that 12 people used the automated check-out lanes and paid for their items. [3News via Reddit]

New Zealand's Hell Pizza chain is known for its offensive gimmicks, and the restaurant's newest campaign is doing a good job of keeping the tradition alive. Billboards have been appearing to promote the chain's Hell Cross Buns with a pentagram on the pastry and the slogan, "For a limited time. A bit like Jesus."

Poor Stefan and Erika Svanstrom! The newly-married Swedish couple and their infant daughter set out on a four-month honeymoon in December and managed to come into contact with six different natural disasters.

A 6.3 magnitude earthquake hit Christchurch, New Zealand—the second major quake suffered by the city in the last five months—causing "multiple fatalities" and trapping hundreds of people inside buildings. The video above, which is somewhat graphic, shows some of the aftermath.

McDonald's restaurants in New Zealand with free WiFi apparently block gay-themed sites like the slightly racy gaynz.com or the tame and cheery rainbowyouth.org.nz, sparking outcry in the Kiwi gay community. We're just upset that New Zealand's websites are so crappy-looking.