Hey New York Timesmen and -women, no one wants a repeat of last year when you gave everybody on your gift list a boring old stuffed moose.

SPOILER ALERT! In a year-end finale so surprising it makes last season's O.C. cliffhanger look like Blue's Clues, we've gotten our sticky hands on the Times Book Review's Top 10 of 2004 and are shocked to report that the editors have included Philip Roth on their list JUST ONCE. We were certain he'd be simultaneously listed in three positions but, alas, the handjobs have ceased.

At a whopping 88 pages long, Intern Alexis was weighed down both literally and figuratively by the behemoth that was this week's New York Times Book Review. And as usual, she went insane. Her guide to what you should pretend to be reading after the jump.

Are we the only ones who blushed when we saw this ad in The New York Times Book Review this weekend? (Click image to see larger version)

In this week's review of the New York Times Book Review, Intern Alexis has some itching questions for Jacob Weisberg on Tom Wolfe, burning confusion over Kinky Freidman's treatment of Jimmy Buffet, and overall discomfort with James Atlas' coverage of V.S. Naipaul. After the jump, her weekly guide to sounding like you know what a bookstore is.

For this week's edition of the singlemost important cheatsheet you'll ever need, Intern Alexis plunged into the grody world of poetry reviews—and consequently went insane. Slipping in and out of delerious fits of haiku, Alexis had to finish her review of the New York Times Book Review from a nice white room at Bellevue. We're running this week's edition as her cry for help.

In this week's edition of our New York Times Book Review coverage, Intern Alexis subjects herself to Jonathan Franzen's brown-nosing and learns about the stunning art of book jacket photographs. When she's not refusing to acknowledge the annoying children's books section, Alexis is feverishly analyzing the letters to the editor for insight into the minds of people who actually, um, read. Pity her and love her, because she does it all for you.