It's awkward enough to rationalize extra-marital sex in the deliberate medium of print, as Philip Weiss did in a recent issue of New York. To do so off-the-cuff on camera—while being ridiculed by Comedy Central's Steven Colbert—is sheer masochism.

Hear the rumbling of stomachs on Park Avenue this morning? It's coming from the doctors anticipating/dreading the release of New York's "Best Doctors" issue next week. Now in its 11th year, it's one of the magazine's most important issues, not to mention is responsible for raking in a small fortune in advertising for the mag. But it's also one of the more controversial issues, too. This is, after all, the mag that put an analysis of breakfast on the cover last week. And printed a cartoon of Brooklyn blog commenters the week before. Now they're going to tell you who to see for lifesaving cancer surgery?

We couldn't help but notice your post today about Wilhelmina Models president Sean Patterson, who lists his age as 35. How convenient that he's 35 and he's promoting She's Got the Look, a reality show about models who are 35 and older, huh? Yea, well, Patterson's actually 37. But we'll chalk it up to poetic license just this once!

This week's New York Magazine explores "breakfast," that meal little kids eat before school and adults drink before work. They have many informative and thinky pieces about eggs and coffee and such. (Also there is of course a list of places to eat expensive breakfasts in many different fancy-pants categories.) Here are the two things we learned:

Next Monday's New York Magazine apparently features, according to Choire Sicha, "a thorough examination of breakfast." Plus probably something about rich people and maybe autism. [Choire Sicha]

So remember how, four days ago, everyone got upset because the Times magazine cover story was about some blogger, and there were more important things happening in the world? Well, now New York magazine has decided to take things a step further and publish a cover story about some blog commenter, because it's damned if it's going to be outflanked by the Times on cultural marginalia. And the magazine didn't trot out one of these fancy, gone-pro Manhattan media commenters, either: We're talking an anonymous, insult-spewing, death-wishing commenter on a blog about Brooklyn. Naturally, I read it to the end and loved every drop. The commenter in question is called The What and likes to post anti-gentrification messages on a site called Brownstoner. An excerpt!

As Nylon points out, the rainbow gal to the left—photographed at age fourteen for New York magazine's LookBook section, a street-fashion centerfold in which oft-annoying people explain their outfits—is actually in one of their ads for the June issue! The ad was shot by loose cannon and Last Night's Party photographer Merlin Bronques. Kay Goldberg is eighteen now and looking totally fashionable—so it's OK to click for the photo.

Today, New York plays a little game to make you feel like a moron. What if you had had $100,000 to invest in 1998? Well, you would probably still be a rich person now, but bear with them. They offer a number of examples of investments you could've made instead of spending all your time getting wasted and listening to the New Radicals (was it really that long ago!). Sure, they include a couple ringers that woulda lost you money (theglobe.com stock! A BMW!), but otherwise it's a rich catalog of things you were too poor to afford then that now you are all the poorer for not having bought. 3,300 shares of Apple! A townhouse just about anywhere in New York! Gold! Investments they missed, after the jump.

According to her bio, Jessica Wakeman is "an associate blog editor at Huffington Post." We are not really sure what that means except that she writes totally adorable blog posts about media and all the people in media who she loves, like a little Rachel Sklar. Last time we checked in, she was distraught to learn that to "make it" in New York, "you need a strategy." Her mentor Vanessa Grigoriadis told her! Gosh! Wakeman decided she better stick with the web, a safe space for earnest and sincere young women, where Wakeman can work on writing about important cultural things, like her idol Vanessa or "Ariel Levy or Emily Nussbaum." Today, Wakeman is a little bit upset at her favoritest magazine ever!

Little public figure Charles Stam was the villain of New York Magazine's cover story on the terrible nonsense that goes on at tony prep school Horace Mann. Stam harassed a teacher for being a liberal feminist, and even lied about having a tape of her calling him a Nazi in an attempt to get her fired. He was promptly elected student body president! We posted a small picture of him from the Horace Mann yearbook earlier this week, and that made Stam sad. He emailed Gawker boss Nick Denton to ask that we remove his "personal material" from the site. Instead, we will reprint his email. It's after the jump, along with the sad tale of school head Thomas Kelly's toxic waste playground for the poor kids, and why it's all Eliot Spitzer's fault.

Ashley Alexandra Dupré and 11 other notorious New York tarts. [New York Magazine]

So you read the New York cover story about the mess at high-falutin' private prep school Horace Mann, but maybe you wanted more. Maybe you wanted to meet the faces behind the names. You are in luck, kind reader. With help from SECRET GAWKER SOURCES we found photos and bios for two of the anonymous rich assholes who gave the story its depressing color—the wealthy trustee mom whose daughter inadvertently engineered the whole scandal, and "Jeffrey Robbins," the Young Republican anti-Max Fischer who rose from liberal-baiting history class gadfly to misogynist class president. After the jump, meet the leaders of tomorrow!

Remember New York's cover story this week about the Horace Mann teacher who was shocked—shocked—to learn that students at that tony prep school exchange bitchy gossip and say terrible things on the Facebook? The alarmed history teacher—who, for his role in publicizing the Facebook fracas was forced to take a sabbatical—is Peter Sheehy, husband of Us Weekly editor Janice Min! So, obviously, this "gossiping about people" thing was totally foreign to him. (J/k! Us is the nice one.) SAD UPDATE: Ok. Former Horace Mann history teacher Peter Sheehy's current gig? "Research intern" for award-winning internet blog Talking Points Memo. No, seriously. [NYM]

In a fairly unprecedented move for a film critic at a major publication, New York Magazine's David Edelstein issued an apology for his eulogy last week attributing late filmmaker Anthony Minghella's artistic slump to the meddling of his studio backer (and good friend) Harvey Weinstein. "I had decided to eat shit even before Harvey called," Edelstein wrote today. Wait — Harvey actually called? "Yes, he called — did you think he wouldn't?" Edelstein continued. "He was the soul of politeness, believe it or not. He said he cried for hours when he got the news. He said Minghella came to him with most of the projects. He said despite his 'Harvey Scissorhands' reputation, Minghella was not a man whose work you recut." Edelstein (who also noted Defamer's reaction at the time) later reaffirmed his right to give Harvey shit at a later time, to which we hear Weinstein recommended the Oct. 31 release date of Kevin Smith's latest, Zack and Miri Make a Porno. [NYM]

Henry Kissinger once said, "Academic fights are more brutal than our fights in the real world because the stakes are so low, so the passions are very high." He was referring to University politics, but the quote also applies to Horace Mann, the tony private school in Riverdale, New York. Horace Mann was founded in the 19th century to get bratty kids into Harvard, and that honorable goal continues into the 21st century, despite satirical novels, nasty Facebook groups and now incriminating New York magazine cover stories. After reading New York's story, you may want to give more consideration to Fieldston.

Harvey Weinstein's tough week didn't get any easier today, with his Marley family squabbles and Star Wars-geek travails cycling back around this morning to the Anthony Minghella tragedy that started it all. Except that film critic David Edelstein had more than what you might call a moment of clarity in his New York Magazine blog entry slamming Harvey for the filmmaker's artistic demise:

People boasts 4m visitors to the Time Inc. magazine's web site on the day photos of Jennifer Lopez' newborn twins went up. So, is that supposed to be impressive? Well, it is more than New York magazine drew for its cunningly classy recreation of Marilyn Monroe's last photo shoot, with the troubled actress played by a modern-day trainwreck, Lindsay Lohan. Adam Moss' stunt drew 1.3m US visitors per day at the peak of public interest, according to Quantcast. However, People simply directed web visitors to the print magazine, while New York milked the interest for all it was worth, generating nearly 20 pageviews per visitor. And, while People paid a record $6m to Jennifer Lopez for rights to the actress' babies, New York gave Lohan only a boost to her faltering credibility, which cost nothing, except Moss' reputation for high-mindedness. On the web, at least, People got the poorer deal; and that makes their chest-thumping all the more silly. (Data on New York magazine's traffic comes from Quantcast.)

One reason for the evergreen popularity of those "explaining the coming financial collapse for dummies" pieces is that 99% of journalists—even on the business beat!—don't know a damn thing about money and finance, and writing these pieces is a convenient way to get paid to try to figure it out. New York weighs in wth "An Idiot's Guide to Financial Crises", the casual version of the New York Times' Can't Grasp Credit Crisis? Join the Club. New York's take is more personal: apparently a recession means that Adam Sternbergh will lose his job! Considerably more alarming: the recession is already causing the prices of cheeseburgers and bagels to skyrocket. [NYM, NYM]

Hey! Can you help Jonah Green (son of Mark Green, best known for having run against Bloomberg and being president of Air America Radio)? He's starting a new video series for New York magazine tentatively called "On the Job." Explains Jonah, "It could be a video Look Book of professions, if you will... to finally understand what a hedge funder does, to view the madness a dog walker encounters while roving the upper east side, or watch a hot dog vendor brew that funky hot dog juice." He's looking for some candidates. What kind of candidates? "Fashion/art assistant, Hedge funder, commodity trader, Food inspector/taster, Architect, Art dealer, Dog walker." Or maybe "high-priced call girls," since everybody is so interested in those lately!

When Nick wrote about New York's cheeky Spitzer cover earlier today, I thought it looked like a ripoff of the work of legendary conceptual artist and designer Barbara Kruger. Turns out, per New York's Jesse Oxfeld, the cover is by Barbara Kruger. So between this and the high-minded smut of February's "Lindsay Lohan naked but photographed by Bert Stern," we have to wonder who else New York can employ to lend a classy sheen to baser-minded content. Maybe they can get Claes Oldenburg to make their next "sex and love" issue 50 feet long! [NYM]