Oh my does New York have a heartwrenching chronicle of the disintegration of Tinsley and Topper Mortimer's marriage in their new Fall Fashion issue! It's like The Notebook meets NYC Prep. Break out the monogrammed hankies folks!

Steven Rattner is the social-climbing financier who resigned as auto czar because his private equity firm is embroiled in a pay-to-play scandal. Everyone's waiting for shoes to drop, but New York says Rattner's biggest problem is that nobody likes him.

Jennifer Senior wrote a massive cover piece on the Obama communications machine for this week's issue of New York that is, to put it mildly, a nauseatingly fawning tribute to the communications genius of our president and his advisers.

Poor Goldman Sachs. Now that non-finance people are learning how they've been getting rich by gaming the system like a gambler with knowledge of every card on the table, their reputation is circling the drain. Do they care? Hell no!

• BusinessWeek's Jon Fine reports that New York owner Bruce Wasserstein may be in the running to break out a dollar bill and buy BusinessWeek. [BW]
• ESPN banned New York Post employees from appearing on the network yesterday after the paper ran (blurry) pics of a nude Erin Andrews. [AP]
• Will will happen with McKinsey consultants now infiltrating Condé Nast? How should you behave if you work there? Some answers and tips. [NYM, Gawker]
• Martha Stewart loves Twitter, doesn't particularly care for Facebook. [TDB]
• Kate Major, the Jon Gosselin-loving, publicity-seeking reporter for publicity-seeking Star magazine, has resigned from the junky tabloid. [Star]
• Ad revenue fell precipitously, but the New York Times Co. reported second-quarter profits of $39.1 million, up from $21.1 million a year ago. [NYT]
• Related: Is the Times Co. planning to hang on to the Boston Globe? [E&P]
• America's most trusted newscaster? That would be Jon Stewart. [Time]

• Hell freezes over: Rocco DiSpirito says he's been in talks with restaurateur— and onetime enemy—Jeffrey Chodorow about opening a new restaurant. [GS]
• The Standard Grill started up breakfast service today. [TFB]
• New York isn't the only magazine with a "Cheap Eats" issue on newsstands this week. It seems Time Out New York has got one, too. [TONY]
• The latest urban food fight: fruit vendors are now squaring off. [NYT]
• It's Bastille Day! Here are a few places to go to celebrate. [GS]

• The toughest reservations in town are at Frank Pellegrino's Rao's in Harlem and David Chang's Momofuku Ko, in case you're keeping track. [GS]
• Big clubs and bottle service are out and cheap, dingy dive bars are in, according to the Times, pointing out that Marquee's revenues are down 22 percent so far this year. Possible evidence to the contrary: "table service" at Marquee's new sister spot, Avenue, will run you a minimum of $350. [NYT]
• Related: Marquee appears to be NYC's "most fined" nightspot. It's handed over $100,000 to the State Liquor Authority over the past year alone. [NYP]
• New York's Eat Cheap issue is out. A highlight: Robin Raisfeld and Rob Patronite's "handbook" to the Neapolitan pizza "revolution." [NYM, NYM]
• Restaurants that recently opened, or will be opening soon. [Eater]
• A roundup of New York's "82 most notable burgers." [GS]
• The Canadian donut chain Tim Hortons landed in Manhattan today. [AMNY]

• Looking to buy a struggling business magazine that's losing advertisers right and left? You're in luck. McGraw-Hill has put BusinessWeek up for sale. [BN]
• The hottest interview in TV-land right now? Bernie Madoff, naturally. [B&C]
• Not such great news for the television biz: Most networks are experiencing a double-digit drop in summer ratings compared to last year. [USAT]
• MySpace is no longer a "place for friends." (That's what Facebook is for.) It's a Web site "for accessing entertainment and related information." [WSJ]
• Former Observer reporter Gabriel Sherman takes a look at Observer owner Jared Kushner in this week's issue of New York. Among other things, Kushner says he found the paper "unbearable" until he bought it. [NYM]
• Brüno's $30 million gross made it No. 1 at the box office this weekend. [THR]

Oh pity the poor denizens of Williamsburg. The erosion of hipster trust funds is leading their greasy little utopia to slowly devolve into some sort of Mad Max-esque, post-apocalyptic real estate wasteland, just like Miami! So says New York Magazine.

• Michael Chow has filed suit against Philippe Chow for "unfair and deceptive trade practices, misappropriation of trade secrets, unfair competition, conversion, and trademark infringement," among other things. [NYP, GS]
• A list of eateries that just opened, or will be open soon. [Gothamist, Eater]
• A controversy is brewing over plans to sell food on the High Line. [NYDN]
• Thirteen Dunkin' Donuts locations will change their names this weekend and become part of Tim Hortons, a donut chain that's popular in Canada. [NYT]
• New York magazine's Grub Street food blog is going national. [WSJ]
• Reminder! New York Restaurant Week begins on Sunday. [NY1, NYCGO]

Have you seen Mediaite's "Power Grid," that ridiculous thing ranking people in media, and maybe silently wondered, "What sort of blighted souls give a damn about any of this?" Well, one magazine is distributing PR statements touting their editor's ranking!

Many Hollywood stars have come to New York thinking they could conquer the New York stage and many of them have failed miserably. Now here comes Anne Hathaway in her "first major theatrical production," playing Viola in Shakespeare's Twelfth Night.

Vulture is reporting that VH1 might be canceling Best Week Ever.

Tonight Conan O'Brien takes over the reins of the Tonight Show and he'll probably score huge ratings because it's his first show and everyone will be curious to see what the new show looks like. But who are you going to watch at 11:35 after all the hoopla dies down?

• Say it ain't so, Sue: WNBC may be planning to drop the 5 o'clock newscast, Live at Five, in favor of a "lifestyle show" of some sort. [NYO]
• Richard Branson does not want to buy Playboy. Sorry, Hugh. [Reuters]
• NBC ratings hit a new low last week. [AP/HuffPo]
• Naturally, NBC Universal chief Jeff Zucker painted a much rosier picture when he appeared on stage at the D7 conference yesterday. [ATD]
• Were you aware that some magazines Photoshop their pics? It's true! [NYT]
• If MGM doesn't come up with some cash quick, it could go bankrupt. [THR]
• Page Six's Paula Froelich took time from promoting her new novel, Mercury in Retrograde, to kick Michael Wolff's ass across the room. [BlackBook]

• How is Twitter going to make money? With a reality TV series, naturally. The show will involve "putting ordinary people on the trail of celebrities in a revolutionary competitive format," in case you were wondering. [Variety]
• The primetime lineups for next year "are chockablock with shows meant to make recession-weary viewers laugh and feel better." How encouraging! [NYT]
• Ratings are down for CNN's Anderson Cooper as well as for Roland Martin, who has been subbing for Campbell Brown recently. [Page Six]
• Bravo's next Real Housewives installment: Washington, DC. [Daily Intel]
• Fox News nut Greta Van Susteren may not be around for long. Rumor has it her contract won't be be renewed and Megyn Kelly will replace her. [NYT]
• New York lost close to $5 million last year; with ad pages down 37 percent thus far in 2009, "losses are expected to be even higher this year." [NYP]
• A Russian investment firm has dropped $200 million into Facebook's bank account in return for a 1.96 percent stake in the company. [NYT]
• Ben Stiller's Night at the Museum sequel beat out the fourth installment of the Terminator franchise with a four-day pull of $70 million. [Reuters]

• American Idol's finale scored its lowest ratings ever for the 18-49 demo. Not that there's a chance Ryan Seacrest will be disappearing anytime soon. [THR]
• The CW has unveiled its fall lineup. As expected, the Gossip Girl spin-off isn't happening. A social media-centric ad campaign, however, is. [Variety, NYT]
• New York magazine is raising subscription rates. [Folio]
• Google is reorganizing its ad sales team and cutting a few jobs. [WSJ]
• Thanks to the $75K speaking fee Tom Friedman accepted (and returned), Times staffers have been reminded about the paper's ethics guidelines. [LAT]
• Paste Magazine hopes to survive by asking readers for donations. [Gawker]
• Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich wasn't permitted to appear on NBC's I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here!, so his wife will do it instead. [THR]

• Daniel Boulud unveiled his new DBGB to the press on Saturday. A menu devoted to 14 different kinds of sausage, two dozen beers on tap, and more is coming your way in early June. [Zagat, TONY, Metromix, Eater, TFB]
• A roundup of restaurants scheduled to open this week. [TONY]
• Thomas Keller confirms Jonathan Benno is parting ways with Per Se. [GS]
• Danny Meyer confirms he's out of the race for Tavern on the Green. [NYO]
• Robert De Niro chats about his Locanda Verde, opening this week. [NYM]
• Warren 77, the new bar/restaurant by the Beatrice Inn's Matt Abramcyk, Chris Miller, and hockey star Sean Avery opened on Friday eve. [NYO, GS]
• Adam Platt gives high marks (and three stars) to Seasonal this week. [NYM]

Celebrity spawn news! New York magazine has used a fair and impartial process to hire new interns, and one of them happens to be Steven Spielberg's son! Allow him to introduce himself [UPDATED below]:

Up there in the sky, look at that cloud, is that a silver lining we see? Sure the 'conomy's in the shitter, but let's focus on the positive. New York might be livable again!