Prosecutors have accused a priest in New Jersey of pointing a functioning, Civil War-style musket at an 8-year-old boy because he was a fan of the Dallas Cowboys, NBC New York reports. The priest is a fan of the New York Giants.

I don't know why I didn't think of this — possibly because I wasn't sure which teams were playing in the Super Bowl until yesterday — but The New York Daily News has condensed the Giants vs. Patriots clash into a matter of clam chowder preference. As a person who prefers soup to sports, this is something I can get behind. And who hasn't debated the relative merits of New England clam chowder and Manhattan clam chowder?

Not everyone knows football, and that's okay—even if you're an American. Everyone, though, is perfectly capable of sounding as if they might know a thing or two about football should the need arise. Here's what to yell at your TV and friends in order to sound like you maybe-kinda-sorta know what's going on this Sunday evening.

The 46th Super Bowl in the history of the National Football League takes place on Sunday night. If you're saying "duh," then please feel free to move on to another corner of the Internet. If you're saying, "Is that the thing with the dogs?" then please keep reading.

The NY Daily News brings us the touching tale of a Brooklyn woman and her lucky garden gnome. Ever since Jennifer Pernice received the gag gift — it's your standard garden gnome in a Giants jersey — "The Giants have been doing pretty good." Look, either Pernice is the fun kind of crazy, or that gnome is actual magic. Either way it makes for a great story.

"How many mainstream news sources on Monday will compare Obama to the Giants and Hillary to the Patriots? Watch this space for an ongoing tabulation!" [Bus Your Own Tray]

The gay community is hotly divided over the value of the Giants' Super Bowl victory. On one side is the H8STR8 contingent, which called for all gays to boycott the game in favor of drag shows. They also claimed they'd be picketing sports bars in the "anti-gay" Murray Hill area; if that's true, we'd love to see it. On the other side, though, are the dozens of tristate-area men looking to celebrate the Giants' win with some hot man-on-man craigslist sex. Even Patriots fans are asking to be punished HARD for their wayward loyalties. Despite their political differences, both ends of the spectrum should be able to unite around the sentiment: "GIANTS WIN: blow me." [Craigslist]

We'll never forget where we were when Tim Carter got called for pass interference with four minutes left in the game. We will never forget.