“The rhetoric of sharing-economy corporations conscripts us all to their mission. It isn’t enough that consumers use their services; they need to feel riled when the companies are not getting everything they want. It’s not the problem of a multibillion-dollar global corporation. It’s your problem.”

Yesterday evening, a 30-year-old woman leapt to her death from the 20th floor rooftop bar in Manhattan’s Flatiron District. Patrons of the bar, who were there attending a corporate event, kept drinking after her death, according to the New York Post.

According to NBC News, the City of New York has agreed to pay $5.9 million to the family of Eric Garner, who was killed by Staten Island NYPD officer Daniel Pantaleo a year ago this week.

There is, among a particular cohort of New York City transplants, a belief that we hold dear. It is entirely based on our collective upbringing in a coastal city, small town, or neighborhood not named Manhattan, Brooklyn, or whatever other boroughs make up this fair metropolis. This belief: New York City-area beaches are not real beaches.

Mayor Bill de Blasio has finally started to fill his size 49 Strawbridge’s loafers. On Tuesday afternoon, he called a meeting with members of the press to spit some brassy words about sitting Governor of New York Andrew Cuomo. The verdict? De Blasio is mad as hell and he isn’t gonna take this—meaning Cuomo’s—shit anymore.

On this last day of June in the year 2015, we take a moment to remember Expanded Polystyrene, aka EPS, known by his friends in the coffee shops and street carts as, simply, Styrofoam. Today is the last day he will be with us legally in New York City. Today, if we must, we say goodbye.

On Thursday morning, during a radio appearance on Hot 97’s “Ebro in the Morning” show, hip-hop mogul Russell Simmons called Mayor Bill de Blasio a “punk,” and also a “bitch,” over his perceived deference to Governor Andrew Cuomo and Commissioner Bill Bratton.

If you forgot some reading and writing material on the Great Lawn in Central Park last night, here it is. Presumably you went to the New York Philharmonic concert there, which marked 50 years of the Concerts in the Parks series. It was a nice show but hectic—the unexpected rain forced an early intermission, caused a couple of numbers to be dropped from the program, and led some people to flee early.

If you feared that your hero, the $30 hot dog guy, had been defeated by the forces of Mayor Lex “Bill DeBlasio” Luthor, dry your tears. Although Ahmed Mohammed lost his job selling $30 wieners and priceless life lessons (same thing) to tourists near Ground Zero, a new hero has risen to take his place.

The Hampton Jitney is a private bus line that takes well-off New York City residents from the city to the Long Island towns where well-off New York City residents enjoy spending summer weekends. Lately, some of those buses have experienced delays. One can only imagine the effect sitting in traffic must have on the already enervating class anxiety felt by Jitney riders who cannot, as their betters do, charter weekly helicopters.

Weeks ago, reeling from a night of booze and bad decisions, I ventured to a local Bayou-themed restaurant in search of comfort food. I wanted to absorb the last of the alcohol that remained from just hours before, fully determined to get rid of my hangover. When you live alone, this is not an uncommon practice. I often eat out by myself—it’s hard to wait on friends to make brunch plans when all you want to do is devour a plate of syrup-coated waffles—so it wasn’t strange when the bartender and the gray-haired gentleman to my right decided to include me in their conversation. “What do you think?” he said. They had been discussing rising property values in the neighborhood, and the ills of gentrification. The bartender mentioned how a small patch of dirt between two brownstones, just blocks from the restaurant and my apartment, was going for $2 million. “There was also that old gas station in Crown Heights that sold for 30 million recently,” she said. “How is anybody expected to live here now? It’s just too much.”

If your subway commute was more fucked than usual this morning, here’s why: Last night, thieves reportedly made off with at least 500 feet of copper cable from the A train tracks in Queens.

A woman died after falling down the stairs of her New York apartment building and out of an open window between the fifth and six floors Thursday night.

Erika Menendez was sentenced to 24 years in prison Wednesday for pushing a Hindu man, Sunando Sen, off a subway platform and onto the tracks as a train was coming into the station, killing him.

“Hey, buddy! Hey, yeah—you! You wanna hot dog? I got some fresh water hot dogs ready for the guzzling. Some fresh New York City water dogs, all boiled in dirty water. This one’s on me—just kidding, what do I look like, some kind of dirtbag? That’ll be $30. No refunds.”

Brooklyn district attorney Ken Thompson announced last week that he would not seek to file charges against 69-year-0ld Willie Groomes, who fatally shot 32-year-old Gilbert Drogheo in the Borough Hall subway station on March 10. Thompson’s office declined to elaborate on its reasoning beyond a brief statement saying, “While the death of this young man was indeed tragic, we cannot prove any charge of homicide beyond a reasonable doubt.”

In response to last week’s New York Times reports about the dangerous work conditions, low pay, and racism running rampant in New York nail salons, Governor Andrew Cuomo announced late Sunday a series of “emergency measures” and vowed that the state would no longer “stand idly by as workers are deprived of their hard-earned wages and robbed of their most basic rights.”

Here we go again: that liberal jerkoff with his hands in all our pockets, Bill “Tallest Man on Earth” de Blasio, has decided to dedicate $33 million of his upcoming proposed budget to struggling and underfunded public schools. What about that golden promenade we were promised? And the envelopes full of cash?

Chad L. Coleman of The Walking Dead and The Wire and also It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia lost his shit on the 4 train on Friday, TMZ reports.

New York City: the city that never sleeps. Ever wonder why that is? It’s because it’s too damn bright out there!