You know what you're getting with Lana Del Rey at this point—post-Mad Men golden age revivalism, blank sadness—but the singer does still have the ability to surprise. Take, for instance, her new single "West Coast," which randomly quotes the New Radicals.

Kate Gosselin angrily eats a popsicle, inflating a Bounce House of Death. Susan Boyle's back, bitch! So is Britain-Bound Britney. And someone makes a dumb pun involving Paris Hilton and a hard-on. Presenting your Saturday morning gossip roundup: