Yes, yes. We know it's barely 11 in the morning. But we believe it's never too early to start making drinks plans, and, conveniently, the list of New York bars participating in Monday's Save New Orleans Cocktail Hour has been released.

In all the excitement over the sinking of Sean Penn's New Orleans rescue boat, we totally overlooked the real New York media angle on that story.

The Gulf Coast of Louisiana and Mississippi has, of course, been ransacked by Hurricane Katrina and the aftermath of Katrina. Here in New York, we're heartbroken by that loss, we're incensed at the government that allowed this humanitarian disaster to occur, and we're also reminded of our good fortune — our health, our happiness, and our ability to go outside and enjoy our current, perfect late-summer weather. And so we're sure it was with these conflicting realities and emotions in mind — awareness of the devastion down south, appreciation for the natural beauty here in the north — that a brilliant and nuanced Post headline writer came up with the unquestionably perfect title for a travel-section piece today on foliage-viewing hikes less than two hours from the city: "Walking on Sunshine," which is also the title of the one hit by one-hit wonders Katrina and the Waves. It's perfect synchronicity.

Perhaps the most cunning of all the hurricane aid scams is Michael Jackson's hurricane relief song, tentatively titled "From the Bottom of My Heart," the proceeds from which will be embezzled quietly to fund Jackson's reported radical "macho makeover" and the construction of Neverland Palace and Children's Cancer Hospice in Bahrain. If you really want to entrust a celebrity with your money, you're better off funding Sean Penn's Water Rescue Fund.

While Kanye West was out shopping before he made a donation to the relief effort, actor/Soldier of Fortune Sean Penn grabbed the first boat he could find in New Orleans and initiated his own rescue mission. Perhaps caught up in the emotion of the moment, the crew failed to notice that their conveyance was riddled with holes, forcing Penn to pour out all of his beer and use the cup to bale out the water from his rapidly sinking rescue craft. Lord, the take-charge spirit is willing, but the dinghy is weak.

By now, we imagine that nearly everyone is aware of Kanye West's incredible demonstration of his freestyling gifts on NBC's Friday evening "We Care the Most About Hurricane Relief Because Our Concert Was On First" telethon. (If not, here's a transcript.) We'll cut to the money shot, because we've already spent a good portion of the weekend recreating the exchange for friends who missed it: After West went off-book (kids, ask your acting coach!) to rant about the media's coverage of the hurricane (i.e., black people loot, white people find) and the government's response to the disaster, stunned co-presenter Mike Myers dutifully continued with the teleprompter script. West then punctuated the segment with the Sound Bite Heard 'Round The World: "George Bush doesn't care about black people." In the incredibly uncomfortable two seconds that followed, Myers registered a look of utter helplessness, as if wishing he could crawl into a protective cocoon of two hundred pounds of Fat Bastard latex, and NBC then quick-cut to a clearly unprepared Chris Tucker, who floundered about with some ad-libbed exhortations for people to help, help, help. And...scene. Live television history is made, Kanye West becomes a folk hero, and we're officially the 29,000th blog to offer a blow-by-blow of the events. SNL sketches to follow.

Editor & Publisher points us to a choice Barbara ("The Old One") Bush quote from public radio's Marketplace over the weekend, about the New Orleans evacuees at Hoston's Astrodome: "And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this — this (she chuckles slightly) is working very well for them."

The lesson of the weekend? That we were wrong. Way wrong.

· Louisiana's film and TV office reaches out to Hollywood: "It's a beautiful day in Baton Rouge...Unless you're shooting a film called 'Hurricane,' you won't want to come to New Orleans, but we have 54 other parishes." We're all relieved to know that those tax incentives were evacuated from New Orleans in time. [Variety]
· An ABC News crew tried to approach New Orleans' Charity Hospital for a story, but was turned away by gunfire. In a related story, the LA film and TV office would like everyone to know that their Hollywood friendly tax breaks are completely unarmed. [THR]
· The 32nd Telluride Film Festival, which takes place in Colorado, a state somewhere in America, unsurprisingly will host a number of American premieres. [Variety]
· Cheaper by the Dozen director Shawn Levy will attempt the impossible task of trying to fill Brett Ratner's enormously hacky shoes, taking over casino flick 21, a project Ratner abandoned to take a shot at ruining the X-Men franchise. [THR]
· Former Tom Cruise guard-dog Pat Kingsley is opening a London branch of her PMK/HBH flackery in October, making it easier for her to deny access to her clients should the British press get out of line. [Variety]

Finally, some good news (really), but still no news on what's going on with Dave Pirner's house. (Why not celebrate Fats' boat rescue by throwing some money to the Red Cross? )

Fresh off the AP wire, an almost minute-by-minute account of how your favorite celebrities have been affected by Hurricane Katrina, presented in reverse order of severity:

What's perhaps the only thing that could be more badly timed than a sitcom about terrorists? How about a new, much-hyped drama series about a family "trying to recover from a devastating hurricane and its mysterious aftermath"? ABC stopped soiling itself long enough to quickly and wisely disappear its disaster-themed promos for Invasion:

· NBC surprised and angered other networks by launching its preemptive hurricane benefit strike while they planned a cooperative, cross-net event, and they worry the NBC Friday concert will dilute the talent pool and audience for the relief effort. [Variety]
· NBC dispatches its own private security team to New Orleans to keep protect its employees reporting from the lawless post-Katrina city. [THR]
· When not bickering or competing for viewers with benefit specials, media conglomerates donate money to aid Katrina victims and establish matching gift programs for employees. [Variety]
· THR reviews MPAA sultan Dan Glickman's "rocky" first year on the job. Replacing the legendary Jack Valenti hasn't been easy, and Glickman still isn't quite comfortable adopting his predecessor's nightly ritual of bathing in the blood of movie pirates. [THR]
· The Weinsteins completely disregard Jessica Alba's rocking body and pouty, sultry lips, signing her to star in the psychological thriller Awake based only on her hard work and acting talent. Hayden Christensen will unconvincingly portray her husband. [Variety]

NBC might've been the first out of the gate with its hurricane benefit plan (nabbing Leonardo DiCaprio, to boot, for their Friday "A Concert For Hurricane Relief"), but other, slightly slower-moving but better-rated networks were trailing close behind, as ABC, Fox, and CBS will do their own event early next week. Viacom has also thrown in basic cable events on Sept. 9th on BET and Sept. 10th on MTV, VH1, and CMT. (Got it?) Perhaps realizing that these efforts might seem competitive, first-moving NBC assures us it's all about helping people:

The multifaceted terribleness of the hurricane is sad and breathtaking. Most of it, while truly awful, is at least comprehensible — we know hundreds are dead, we know tens of thousands are refugees, we know the levees are breaking and supplies are running out and things are getting worse and worse. What we can't quite get our heads around is this: New Orleans's mayor is saying the city will have to be abandoned for several months. An entire American city, evacuated. The mind boggles. It's apocalyptic, it's third-world, it's heartbreaking.

· Wow, the Telethon Countdown was much shorter than we expected. NBC Uni's "Concert for Hurricane Relief" will air on NBC, MSNBC, and CNBC on Friday night at 8 pm EST, but it looks like we're going to only get the tape delay version of Leonardo DiCaprio and Harry Connick on the West Coast.
· There are only three days left to vote for which half-pilot wins Bravo's Situation: Comedy and goes on to be completely ignored by NBC's desperate programming executives. Don't worry, it's all anonymous, so no one has to know about the secret shame of your viewership. Stephen's Life is totally gonna win, right?
· We knew that there was something fishy about the rumor that Al Pacino is dating Rose McGowan. Especially because we're quietly dating her, and she denied the whole thing to us.
· The "A" is for "Ass-Whoopin'": Vivica A. Fox warns Jimmy Kimmel that a beating may be in his future if he persists in publicly taunting her very good friend, Star Jones.
· Everyone else has already linked to the "black people loot, white people find" post, but we're going to do it anyway.

Finally, some news about Hollywood's involvement with the hurricane that doesn't involve fretting about delays to Road House 2 or the the future of tax-friendly productions in New Orleans. Morgan Freeman, the closest thing to the Voice of God that the entertainment industry can muster, is helping to organize an auction for hurricane victims, and Disney's announced it's kicking in $2.5 million for disaster relief. (You can donate to the relief efforts directly via the Red Cross and FEMA websites.)

We know what you're thinking in those dark moments between the CNN anchor's question and the rain-battered New Orleans correspondent's shouted answer: Sure, this hurricane business has been truly tragic, but how does it affect the entertainment industry's bottom line? After all, the Big Easy is the New Hollywood, and these destructive, inconvenient tropical storms and the ensuing declarations of martial law are a bitch on tight shooting schedules. The LAT looks at the storm's potential impact on the movie biz and runaway production: