From the mailbag: "Just as the heavy wooden doors opened today at FENDI for business, there was OPRAH, zooming in, entourage and body guards in-tow, as she declared she had misplaced her FENDI sunglasses (the super fab dark ones with all of the logo F's on the sides) and she NEEDED to replace them immediately! 'We only have this one last pair,' says the Italian saleswoman, 'I'm sorry there are no others in the back.' 'PERFECT,' says Miss O, and off she lopes wearing them out of the store. (Entourage member then stays behind to pay....)"

Britney Spears' performance at Sunday's MTV Video Music Awards show remains the nation's only important topic of conversation. The poor thing was exploited by MTV, says Kanye West, who certainly has no axe to grind with the network even though they haven't given him one of those idiot moonman statuettes for two years. While her performance has been compared to a variety of both natural and man-made disasters, including "a catatonic reenactment of an Ambien overdose," a "partial-birth abortion as performance art," and "The Holocaust," the singer still has some defenders.

It's a very solemn day throughout New York and the nation, as we look back on this sixth anniversary of the day before some really bad stuff happened. It seems like only yesterday that we were hanging out with friends and being ironic and worrying about shark attacks and not supporting the President, but six years have actually flown by. Please take a moment to silently mourn everything we've lost, and then share your own memories of that special Monday that took place back in what now seems like some kind of impossible golden age. Where were you, back when you were innocent and unafraid? Never forget 9/10, people. Otherwise the terrorists we weren't aware of (you know, if we weren't working in the White House) that day will have not not won.

Not only is Osama bin Laden about to premiere his first new video project in almost three years, he's also gotten a total makeover for Fashion Week. This jet-setting go-getter is certainly proof that you can have it all if you work hard enough! [AP]

Two ladies are walking down a street in Brooklyn when they see a strange light in the sky.

Yesterday, Philadelphia Daily News columnist Stu Bykofsky wrote an absolutely atrocious column that suggested the country needed another terrorist attack like 9/11 to better unite those of us who survived it. But is Bykofsky missing the point? Of course he is. There's a greater threat that those of us who live here in New York are faced with. It's a threat that we've become apathetic and complacent about. Now we must say: "No More. Here We Stand."