The new Star Wars movie reportedly passes the Bechdel test. Doubt that.

Hot, sexy news out of Pennsylvania, where citizens are outraged that a US Marshal took his special gal up to the roof of the Ronald Reagan Federal Courthouse for an afternoon of judicial boning.

Just a couple of years ago, Mohamed El-Erian was one of the most powerful financiers in the world, overseeing nearly $2 trillion as CEO of Pimco. Now, he’s, uh... well, he has a Fitbit?

Minecraft creator Markus "Notch" Persson outbid Beyoncé and Shawn Knowles for the most expensive mansion in Beverly Hills, and nerds everywhere are celebrating their victory. Notch's net worth after selling out to Microsoft is estimated at $1.5 billion, roughly half a bil more than Beyoncé and her husband.

About a week ago, one of our writers made a bad joke. "Ultimately #GamerGate is reaffirming what we've known to be true for decades: Nerds should be constantly shamed and degraded into submission." It was a joke, sure, but a stupid one, and he apologized.

Gamergate is substantively about nothing; ask a hundred of its angry, anonymous backers what it's fighting for, and you'll get a hundred different, zany answers. But a few internet opportunists are using the chaos to make themselves celebrities.

There's a good reason the guy in this video is completely losing his shit over the Magic: The Gathering cards he just opened. The deck he's unwrapping, from Magic's very first set, now sells for nearly $6,000—and he just turned an enormous profit.

Thomas McGowan picked the wrong home to burglarize. This week, the 25-year-old allegedly broke into the trailer of one Jimmy Morgan, Jr., a Game of Thrones-loving Christian man who isn't afraid to use the "very quick, very agile and very deadly" short spear he keeps by his bedside.

A video of Rihanna giving a lap dance to a bespectacled, "nerdy" audience member made the rounds yesterday, as the guy was declared both the luckiest and the most awkward Rihanna fan of all time. Awkward, maybe, but this ain't exactly Rihanna's first lap dance rodeo—at least a half-dozen other fans have gotten just as lucky.

Appearing on the Pete Holmes Show last night, King of Queens' absurdly most-famous alum, Patton Oswalt, regaled to Holmes how his wife is not a fan of Dungeons & Dragons and him playing it. Upon learning that he had assembled a few other comedy nerdlings for a D&D group, his wife told him what's up:

FiveThirtyEight is puzzled: Its computer analysis of Shakespeare finds that Romeo and Juliet speak less to each other than to other characters, or than Lady Macbeth speaks to Macbeth. Chosen mascot: the flexible-thinking fox, of fox-and-hedgehog fame. Better mascot: a hammer bashing anything vaguely nail-shaped.

Nothing says "cool" like being in charge an elite private school in suburban North Carolina. So it's fitting that Durham Academy's Head of School Michael Ulku-Steiner and his assistant Lee Hark would announce the school's closing today in the coolest way possible: with a cover of Vanilla Ice's "Ice, Ice, Baby."

Next stop, Mordor. Kindly remember to take all your precious possessions with you when exiting the train.

Have you ever had one of those incredible customer service experiences that you just had to share with the whole world? No, of course you haven't.

Last week, TSA agents in Denver detained actor Peter Mayhew, who played Chewbacca in the Star Wars movies, as they reportedly attempted to confiscate his light saber-shaped cane, which the 7-foot, 2-inch actor requires to walk.

New York Times columnist and culture scholar David Brooks had some thoughts this week about the difference between hardworking Chinese students and lazy American students. The Chinese, he wrote, see education as a moral enterprise, built around the cultivation of discipline and other internal virtues, while Westerners focus on learning about things and are hung up on "critical inquiry" and "sharing ideas."

We're now 12 days into "National Novel Writing Month," the annual event in which thousands of people, encouraging and guiding each other online, pledge to write entire novels over the course of November. The official "NaNoWriMo" forums are abuzz with encouragement and advice, testifying to the power of group support in achieving your goals. They are also filled with some of the worst ideas you will read in your entire life.

Here's something that almost all the mass killers of the last fifteen years or so have in common: they've been called "nerds." James Holmes, who allegedly murdered 12 people in a crowded Colorado movie theater on Friday morning, was described as a "nerd" by his uncle within hours of the shooting. Norwegian mass murderer Anders Behring Breivik is, in the Telegraph, a "puffy-faced computer game nerd." Columbine killers Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold were "innocuous nerds," the Los Angeles Times claimed in 1999.

Yesterday, Community, NBC's sitcom about the odd and endearing relationship between a diverse group of community college students, was named TV Guide Magazine's fan-favorite comedy, and its fan-favorite ensemble. Its time slot competitor Big Bang Theory, the Caltech-set CBS comedy about a pair of nerd genius roommates, didn't win in any category.

Today is Pi Day, for obvious reasons. Pi is a Greek letter representing the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter, a mathematical constant. If a circle's diameter is one, its circumference is approximately 3. Happy Pi day.