• Even though Whitney Port may have the least fake career on The Hills, her alleged PR job at Diane von Furstenberg won't involve actual working, will it? [The Cut]
  

[Bellicose supermodel Naomi Campbell vacationing in Ibiza today; image via INF]

• Ashley Dupre seems to have found a new married man to take her to expensive hotels and treat her to drinks from the minibar. After spending the day shopping in Midtown (left), she checked into the Gramercy Park Hotel with Thomas "TJ" Earle, who owns a New Jersey asphalt company and lives in a "McMansion" with his wife and two kids. [NYP]

• Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner may be back together, possibly because Ivanka has agreed to convert to Judaism if the relationship gets serious. [Page Six]

Click to viewIt's shaping up as a cruel summer for drunk, high or otherwise messed up celebrities trying to stay on the straight and narrow. Comedian Andy Dick was arrested this week for groping a 17-year-old's breasts while in possession of marijuana and Valium, in something of a reprise of his bust last year for doing blow in a nightclub. Actress and teen rehab veteran Drew Barrymore is now reported to have boozed her way to a breakup with actor Justin Long. Heather Locklear fled "depression and anxiety" rehab in Arizona after barely two weeks. Even a Rolling Stone, Ronnie Wood, surrendered himself to rehab again after leaving his wife for a 19-year-old cocktail waitress — and two bottles of vodka per day. Maybe all that summer daylight is pushing everyone over the edge! In any case, it's tough to keep track of who's where on the customary arc of high-profile substance abuse: embarrassment, criminality, rock-bottom desperation, rehabilitation and then either another trip around the circle or a break into the freedom of sobriety. That's why we've compiled a guide to once and future inebriated celebrities: 20 actors, singers, models and socialites who hog way more than their fair share of space in the gossip pages — and here on Gawker. We'll update and expand this list over time as a sort of encyclopedia of shame; your comments and tips are encouraged. (The arrows, by the way, indicate trends in drunkenness, so an upward arrow means getting drunker, downward means getting more sober.)

• Cynthia Rodriguez thinks her husband hired private investigators to spy on her and tap her phones, and now she wants his lawyers to hand over whatever they found. [NYP]

• Naomi Campbell is so misunderstood! The reason she continues to model? Not for the cash, but so she can help younger black models in an industry full of racism: "I worry for the girls after me for the opportunities they get—the way they get treated. And this is one of the reasons I still do what I do." Which clearly explains why she used to get Tyra Banks thrown off fashion shows. [Reuters]

• According to this one "firsthand, regular and up-close" source, Paris Hilton stopped drinking, because maybe she's pregnant. Or maybe she's just trying to get attention because she's jealous of Nicole Richie and her baby. [E!]

Nigeria is a country afflicted with rampant corruption, looting of the government treasury, oil piracy, illiteracy, grinding rural poverty, and a dire lack of clean water. But media mogul and public servant Nduka Obaigbena is committed to fixing all that and making Nigeria a model of good government. His unique prescription for social change: parties with Naomi Campbell, bespoke suits, and a penthouse at the Ritz Carlton:

The feel-good issue of Italian Vogue featuring all black models in honor of Obama is about to hit the newsstands, washing away the last remnants of racial strife in the world. But some people are asking: why do they have to do the all-black issue during the slowest time of the year for magazines? Why not put it out in the busy season and really make a statement? We hate to even suggest it, but could it have something to do with... money?

• This story is getting messier by the minute: It seems Alex Rodriguez's wife Cynthia has been in Paris where she's been hooking up with Lenny Kravitz while her husband may or may not be involved with Madonna. The only one not getting any, it seems, is Guy Ritchie. [NYP]

Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos eating lunch outside at Pastis before riding off together on a white Vespa and later picking up the kids up from school ... Sarah Jessica Parker leaving her West Village townhouse in a Prius ... Vanessa Minnillo taking a walk around SoHo with her dog Wookie ... Agyness Deyn strolling through SoHo ... Guy Ritchie walking to the Mandarin Oriental ... Chloe Sevigny eating lunch at Le Pain Quotidien in West Hollywood ... Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts in Paris ... Anna Wintour checking out the Armani fashion show ... Naomi Campbell and Marcus Elias smooching on the back of a yacht in St. Tropez.

[Rage-infected supermodel Naomi Campbell in St. Tropez yesterday; image via Splash]

• Good to know that even though Madonna and Guy Ritchie's relationship is on the rocks, their spiritual lives remain intact. Madonna spent the weekend in New York and attended the Kabbalah center in Midtown on Friday and Saturday; Guy paid a visit to the center in London. [People]

• In the new Burberry campaign unveiled today, Agyness Deyn (who was dropped by the label for being overexposed) has been replaced by another New York-based British model, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley (left). The 21-year-old, who is dating Rolling Stone scion Tyrone Wood, says the two of them were friends until fame went to Deyn's head. Has the Agy backlash started already? [Daily Mail]

• Lovebirds Uma Thurman and Arpad "Arki" Busson are engaged. The Swiss financier gave her an enormous ring (so big that Uma "can't fit it through the sleeve of her coat"), which Uma promptly showed off to friends at a party Thursday night and they're now planning the wedding. [NYDN]

• Anne Hathaway's Italian ex-boyfriend, accused con-man Rafaello Follieri, originally had planned a big spontaneous "vacation" to Italy for his "birthday" Wednesday, but of course he's in jail now, so no "dining patio, huge cellar of expensive wines, pricey pastas and locally caught seafood" for him. [Post]

• Raffaello Follieri will miss the monster 30th birthday bash he planned for himself in Capri this weekend, which he'd hoped would reunite him with Anne Hathaway. Instead, he'll probably spend the big day in jail unless, that is, he magically comes up with $21 million in bail money in the next 24 hours. [NYDN]

• The messy divorce case between Peter Cook and Christie Brinkley has just gotten messier. Days after a judge ruled that the trial would be kept open, it was revealed that Cook handed over $300,000 to Diana Bianchi, the 20-year-old girl he cheated on Brinkley with, in exchange for a promise that she wouldn't sue him for sexual harassment or discuss the affair. Of course, the cash won't prevent her from speaking out in court if she's called to testify. [NYP]

Just a couple of months ago, Naomi Campbell went crazy on a British Airways flight, reportedly kicking and spitting at the airline crew and cops, after she was called a racist name or lost her luggage, depending on who you believe. She pleaded guilty to assault and was sentenced to 200 hours of community service on Friday, a slap on the wrist considering the six-month sentence she could have earned. Will Naomi use this latest lesson to turn her life around? If history is any guide, odds are she'll be back in police custody somewhere in the world—and delighting tabloid journalists—by the end of the year. Just a few moments of high drama in the life of Ms. Naomi Campbell after the jump.