In an interview conducted at Nancy Reagan’s funeral today, Hillary Clinton recounted a version of history that didn’t happen, lauding the former first lady’s “low key advocacy” for the cause of HIV/AIDS awareness. “Low key” is one way of putting it. In fact, the Reagan White House is infamous for its lengthy, deadly silence on the epidemic.

Obama does not give a fuck anymore, according to a White House briefing, and certainly doesn’t care about Nancy Reagan’s funeral. Instead, NBC News reports, he’ll be headed to Texas for the annual horror-confluence of indie music and startup culture known as SXSW.

Former first lady Nancy Reagan reportedly died of heart failure on Sunday at the age of 94.

Last night, the National Geographic Channel kicked off its six-episode series Generation X, an uncommonly sharp talking-head recap show that explores various cultural events and phenomena that helped shape the generation after the Baby Boomers. The War on Drugs, specifically how it targeted crack in the ‘80s and was made tangible in the “Just Say No” campaign, was among the topics on last night’s premiere. The segment featured commentary from Senator Cory Booker, journalist Alison Stewart, and none other than Sarah Palin, who pointed out the impracticality of the campaign spearheaded by Nancy Reagan:

"Oh boy, oh boy," freshman Senator Marco Rubio thought to himself, escorting Nancy Reagan through the Reagan Library. "I'm in the inner sanctum now. Handpicked by Nancy Reagan to deliver a speech, walking down this aisle like husband and wife. Best damn photo op of my life! Oh, wait, gotta smile."

Soon, America will celebrate the 100th birthday of that actor who was president during the 1980s, Ronald Reagan. How will sons Ron Jr. and Michael honor their father? By bickering on television about whether he had Alzheimer's in office.

50 Cent turns 34 today. George W. Bush, the 43rd President of the United States, is turning 63. Nancy Reagan is 88. Sylvester Stallone is turning 63. Actor Geoffrey Rush is 58. Former Mets manager Willie Randolph turns 55. Ex-Barneys CEO Howard Socol is 64. Brazilian model Caroline Trentini is turning 22. Robin Antin, the Pussycat Dolls founder and sister of hairstylist Jonathan Antin, is 48. And the Dalai Lama turns 74 today.

So in light of the inevitable squeeze on cosmetic enhancement spending, how's everyone's favorite diminutive derm Patricia Wexler doing? Just fine, she tells Wowowow: Not only are her patients still coming in for treatments, they "feel it is critical to keep up appearances right now," although some are cheeky enough to ask for discounts, which, just so you know, will certainly not be granted. But, more importantly, Pat is thrilled about Obama's new presidency for the obvious reason: Democrats have more tasteful surgery!

During Obama's presser yesterday, he somehow found the time to call Nancy Reagan a wack job. While explaining that he'd been in touch with all the presidents, he clarified himself by saying "the living presidents," quipping that he "didn’t want to get into a Nancy Reagan thing about, you know, doing any séances." Barack quickly apologized to the former First Lady, but should he have? No, Nancy didn't channel spirits in the White House. But she and her husband did rely heavily on astrologer Joan Quigley. Just because Nancy didn't go there, though, doesn't mean one recent former First Lady didn't get in touch with the dead.Nancy Reagan and astrologer/author Joan Quigley, and the two because close after Reagan was shot and almost killed, meeting each other on the Merv Griffin Show. When this became public, the Reagans reacted. Both the president and the first lady found themselves lying about how sympathetically they viewed astrology, and former chief of staff Don Regan's book was even attacked publicy by the Reagans for describing how closely they hewed to the stars for advice.

Is it the stress of the upcoming election? Earlier today Dick Cheney was rushed to the hospital after he experienced atrial fibrillation or an abnormal heartbeat. Now Nancy Reagan is in the hospital with a broken pelvis. John McCain? Still healthy, as far as we know.