Speaking of "sensitive rockers," on June 8, as you may have heard, Weezer frontman Rivers Cuomo finally finished his coursework and graduated from Harvard. Ten days later, as you also may have heard, he married his girlfried, Kyoko Ito, in Malibu, Calif. In honor of both these simchas, we're happy to present an artifact that nicely combines the two. It's so much on our usual beat, but we've recently come into possession of an essay, titled "A Mad and Furious Master," Cuomo wrote for a Harvard English class in October 2004. It comes from a reliable and Cambridge-connected source who assures us of its provenance, and said source is exceedingly trustworthy on such matters. Want to read about the bespectacled singer's desire for a mate, his fondess for massage-parlor handjobs and internet porn, his self-imposed two years of celibacy, and the frequent wet dreams caused by said celibacy? Oh, it's all there. There's a sample after the jump, plus the whole thing as a Word file.