Trailing the troubled starlet jail-time land speed record set by Nicole Richie in August of this year by two minutes, Lindsay Lohan checked in and out of the the Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood this morning in a still-respectable 84 minutes, after being denied parole at the 37-minute mark. By the time the broken actress was retrieved mid-push-up from her solitary confinement cell, its walls covered in bundles of striked-out scratches counting down the long minutes to her release, any remnants of the Lindsay we knew were all but drained from her once vibrant, if glassy, eyes. We've included the notorious cokepant-wearing Denalijacker's mugshot, in which she looks suspiciously full-lipped and tan for someone on the inside; then again, it's amazing what you can accomplish by bribing a guard to punch your in the mouth and bathing in smuggled orange Kool-Aid.

It's been a busy day for Al Bundy's kids: Earlier today, it was officially announced that low-achiever Kelly, whom no one in the Bundy household believed would ever make much of herself, landed her own bonked-on-the-head sitcom on ABC. Bud, however, long assumed to be the family's lone hope for escaping its cycle of shoe-sales despair, suddenly finds his mugshot splashed all over The Smoking Gun, which reports that he was arrested for pot possession and disorderly intoxication in Florida after the police caught him fighting with his ex-wife in the middle of an intersection. (Classier types know to keep their embarrassing spats close to the valet stand.) OK, now that we're fresh out of Married with Children jokes, we'll direct you to the police report, describing how the arresting officer "could detect the strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from his person that grew stronger as he spoke" and his subsequent confiscation of the bag of weed Faustino had in his pocket. Fun!