movie-magic

Personal Trainers Nervous About Beowulf's Breakthrough Belly-Eliminating Technology

seth · 11/16/07 02:30PM

There will be no shortage of glistening, lifelike CGI flesh on display in Robert Zemeckis's latest masterwork, opening today. The character of Grendel's Mother, for example—naked, dipped in gold, and outfitted with a prehensile braid and fuck-me pumps—will give audiences a reasonable approximation of things only Brad Pitt was meant to see. Others, however, such as the protagonist himself (voiced and performed by Sexy Beast star Ray Winstone), use their human inspiration as mere jumping-off points, after which a cutting-edge series of gut-reducing, ab-defining filters are applied, resulting in a ripped, battle-ready hero worthy of the name Beowulf.