Imagine the predicament of the Harley-Davidson Corporation: every paunchy middle-aged biker dude already owns your product. Where to find sales growth? Ladies? Hello?

You always see motorcycle owners outside, tinkering with their motorcycles. Why? They’d have you believe they were out there fixing something all the time. La, la, la, fixing my bike, la, la, la. But are motorcycles in constant need of repair? Or are motorcycle owners just a bunch of assholes?

It's been nearly a month since a man in Canada successfully evaded police by riding his motorcycle through a shopping mall, but it was only yesterday that footage of the incident leaked online—and oh man is it some wacky, wild stuff.

Some of you who have successfully reached middle age and feel the yearning for a new sense of adventure in life may be considering purchasing a motorcycle. Before you do, consider this FACT: you will die.

Pug, we've been over this: yes, you're slightly more aerodynamic when you crouch like that, and yes, that weird thing you're doing with your tongue does sound a lot like an idling V-twin engine, and no, I don't understand the pink rag on your head, but I'll admit that it's cute as hell. Still, none of that makes you a motorcycle. You're a dog, damnit. A dog.

Pope Francis, the Supreme Pontiff of the Holy Catholic Church, Bishop of Rome, and Gawker hero, has a bitchin' hog. A 1,585cc Harley-Davidson Dyna Super Glide, to be precise. And it can be yours, because he wants to sell it to help feed hungry poors or something.

In a surprising twist to a familiar inquiry, one Virginia man says his wife does indeed come with the bike.

Warning: This post contains a video of a man being shot which some may find disturbing.

One of the motorcyclists involved in this weekend's violent New York City road rage incident, in which dozens of bikers clashed with a man in an SUV on the West Side Highway, has turned himself in to police as authorities continue investigating just what the hell happened.

Feel like watching a six-minute video of a motorcycle gang chasing a black SUV through New York City before the gang surrounds the car and smashes in its windows? Sure you do.

Mary Thom, feminist and former editor of Ms. magazine, died in a motorcycle crash in Yonkers on Friday.

A California man has filed suit against BMW North America after a four hour-ride on his BMW motorcycle turned into a two year party: he claims his bike's custom-installed ridged seat caused him to develop an erection that lasted for twenty months.

Thanks to this guy's helmet cam we can see what it looks like to be hit by a car. Amazingly the rider is not hurt, but you can't say the same thing about the bike.

This woman is devastated and mortified after she runs over an elderly woman with a motorcycle. The lesson learned here is never let your mom ride a motorcycle in close proximity to older family members. Also, boys can be immature. And grandma is a real trooper.

Bank robbers with a flair for the dramatic attempt a heist on motorcycles. The half-baked plan almost worked until seconds after the robbery, when they blew the exit and crashed into a truck.

Each August for the past 80 years, the men and women of Sturgis, SD (and many who travel there) gather for their annual Motorcycle Rally. This year, they had a very special surprise guest: Pee-wee Herman. Watch what happened inside.

Animal rights group Animals Asia has released photographs of Chinese maltreatment of animals, including "toothless tigers riding on the backs of horses," pigs on diving boards, and bears riding motorcycles on tightropes. Which is awful! But: Wow! [Telegraph]

In a new article, Zac Efron moans "best… orgasm… ever!" with his pants unzipped in a public restroom, and Tom Cruise takes him for a pleasure ride on his motorcycle. Conclusion: "Nothing about Efron merits even flipping on the gaydar."

[Manly man Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin rides a Harley Davidson motorized tricycle to a biker convention in southern Ukraine today. Trikes are tough. Image via AP]

[Ducati rider Aleix Espargaro from Spain, left, wipes the hell out as he passes by already wiped-the-hell-out Honda rider Randy de Puniet, right, from France during the Moto GP race of the Grand Prix of Germany. Pic via AP]